45 degrees Celsius is 113 degrees Fahrenheit. Fact.
In Australia, the Western Desert is in Western Australia. And South Australia. And the Northern Territory. Fact.
The earth is turning. Fact.
Cockatoos have been known to associate with people acquitted of murder charges. Fact.
Some Utahan's don't care enough about Australian politics to sit through an entire Midnight Oil concert, and will instead opt to leave the show as soon as "Beds Are Burning" is over. Fact.
Midnight Oil is the only rock concert I've attended where I sat next to my wife. Fact.
Peter Garrett is not Ernie Garrett's doppelganger. Almost fact. They dance the same.
Right now you are imagining Ernie Garrett dancing like Peter Garrett. Fact.
There aren't enough trombone slides in rock songs. Fact.
In some rock songs, it's impossible to be absolutely 100% sure that the drummer is banging on a cowbell, not a woodblock. Fact.
"Beds Are Burning" has a hell of a lot in common with the "Peter Gunn Theme." Fact.
Try this for some bonus fun with video. Turn off the volume on the top video. Then hit the play button on the bottom video. Then exactly two seconds later, hit the play button on the top video. Then watch the top video and wait for the cowbell/woodblock sound to kick in. You'll be glad you did. Fact.
This is a song I loved to play at school dances, and it topped the charts just about the time I got my second rejection slip, so it's tied to all those strong feelings of teenage desire and dejection. I also liked it because I remember having the most vivid dreams around that time, and I was always trying to figure out what in the hell they meant. I remember some dreams that felt so real that for the next few days I had to remind myself that I was remembering a dream and not something that actually happened.
In one dream I had a conversation with Ernie Garrett about dating his daughter. In my dream I was their home teacher, and in real life Hal Gunter and I had been their home teachers for a little while. And for the next few days I had to keep reminding myself that I actually hadn't spoken to Ernie about Ann Marie. Obviously, this dream had everything to do with how I felt about her rejection.
In another dream, I was wandering through this large mansion with lots of different rooms, and in one big long room there were seven canopy beds covered with gossamer fabric, and I was supposed to select one to sleep in. The catch was that there was also a girl in each bed, and I was supposed to choose which one to sleep with. But I never could see through the fabric hanging over the beds, so I couldn't know for sure which girl was in which bed, so I never chose any of them, and then it was too late to choose because I had to go into some other room. To this day I can still remember what those beds looked like. But I have no idea what or who the dream was about. It could have been about the girls from high school that I'd wanted to date but didn't have the guts to ask them. That makes the most sense. Yet, I can't help but think there's a small chance it was about Juice Newton. And an even smaller chance it was about Laura Branigan. There's zero chance it was about Sheena Easton.
In another dream I could fly. But only as long as I really believed I could fly. And there were these guys in my dream dressed in black that were making fun of me and saying that I really couldn't fly, but I just shot up into the sky, flew circles around them, and then kicked all their asses until they ran away screaming in fear. That one's definitely got to be about Kim Karnes.
I think all this dreamscape stuff came up then because it was around that time when I started to develop sleep apnea and would wake myself up gasping for air every now and then. Anyway, this song also reminds me of all those weird dreams I had as a teenager. And how I'd lay on my bed while listening to this song and wonder what all those high school girls would say if I could hear them talking in their sleep.
Before you start playing the video, I should warn you to not play it with small children around. It's less because of all the women standing around in their sleepy-time PJs and more because I don't think children should be exposed to these hairdos. (Quiche Lorraine?! Is that you?!) I don't remember ever seeing this video on Friday Night Videos when it came out, but maybe it's content was designed for the more racy MTV video fare. I shudder to think I may have once thought hair like that looked cool.
Beyond the lyrics, I really like the sound of this song. Lots of good bass lines. Great rhythm guitar. Dreamy synth sounds. I would say the song could have used a little cowbell, but after seeing the drummer's performance in the video, I'd say it was probably a good idea not to put a cowbell in front of him. It looks like he definitely was what Mr. Banyas would call a "cave man log beater." But that doesn't mean I don't like the drummer. I've like plenty of cave man log beaters. I get along with them just fine, as long as they don't beat the logs while I'm trying to sleep.
71. "Give a Little Bit" by Supertramp (and the Goo Goo Dolls)
If you've ever had to work really, really, really, really, really, really, really hard at keeping a relationship with someone you love, this song will speak to you in a much deeper way than I think Piney VotzelVotesulVoetzle Morrison ever could have imagined.
This is one of those rare songs where I like both the original version and a cover version about the same. It would be super-hard to improve upon Supertramp's original album version, but I think the Goo Goo Dolls managed to get really close to doing just that. If someone somehow combined the two versions into one, I'd be very pleased to hear a Super-Goo Tramp-Doll version.
72. "One Night in Bangkok" by Murray Head (and the dudes from ABBA)
During the second semester of my freshman year at Ricks, some guys at the dorm started playing chess and holding informal tournaments. I didn't join in at first, as I wanted to stay focused on my studies. But I couldn't help but get involved because there was this one guy that thought he was the Chessmaster of Rexburg--and he probably deserved the title, as he was destroying all of the others in the tournament--but I didn't like his attitude, and I figured it was my job to adjust it. Even though I wasn't taking part in the tournament, it ticked me off that he just assumed he was the best chess player in the dorm. I didn't assume I was. I figured there were lots of guys better than me. But his hubris annoyed me enough to challenge him to a match.
Now, I thought I was a pretty good player and would give him a run for his money, as I had beaten Darcy Bollinger in sixth grade repeatedly. In fact, the passion Darcy and I felt for the game ran so high during one match that we even squared off for a fist-fight after he accused me of making an illegal move (and it may have been one). But before we could even start throwing punches, a teacher started heading our way. Darcy let down his guard as soon as he saw her walking toward us. But in my mind I thought, "Hey, I'm going to get in trouble and go to the principal's office anyway. I might as well punch him." So I landed a real haymaker right across his jaw before the teacher got there. I wasn't the strongest kid in school, and the blow surprised Darcy more than it hurt him, but it was still immensely satisfying to land that unexpected punch. We both got sent to Mr. Brown's office, and I think we got our chess-playing privileges taken away for a few weeks as punishment. Such passion for the game at such a young age meant that I had to be good at it, right?
Well, the dude at Ricks crushed me three matches straight. I was completely humiliated. And he was completely smug about it. So I gave up all my studies for the next week and went to the college library and checked out every book on chess. After reading them and playing a few practice matches with some guys on the floor, I challenged him again. He confidently accepted, as my previous play was so pathetic that he thought I really couldn't have gotten any better at the game in only a week.
I trounced him so badly that he actually got upset. He thought I had been faking it and holding back during our previous matches just to make him over-confident so that he would put his guard done and I could win this game. But now that he knew what my skill level really was, he would be prepared for me in a second game, which he challenged me to immediately. I beat him in that game too, and the one after that. Not only did I enjoy beating him, but the other guys on the floor REALLY enjoyed it. Nothing garners good will with a young man like publicly humiliating the guy that publicly humiliated him.
For the next few months the former Chessmaster tried to beat me about every few days or so, but he couldn't. One day I heard him complaining in the hallway that the library didn't have any books on chess, even though the library catalog said they were all checked in. At that moment I felt especially satisfied with myself, because I had hidden all the chess books on another floor of the library and had been checking on them regularly to make sure no one had found them and returned them to their right spot. Since this was well before the days of Amazon internetting, my strategy to block his learning more about chess was quite effective. He couldn't study what I had studied, so he couldn't beat me. Was it an underhanded and unsportsmanlike thing to do? Definitely. But when it comes to eradicating smug from a dorm, honor and sportsmanship are luxuries the common man simply can't afford.
At the same time that the chess craze was sweeping our dorm, "One Night in Bangkok"was moving up the charts. It was the one and only pop hit from the musical "Chess." I've never seen the musical. Why? Because while I like playing chess myself, the only thing I can think of that would be more boring than watching other people playing chess is watching people sing about watching people playing chess, with the obvious exception of this song. Because if you've seen one polluted stinking town--
Hey, kids! Did you spot the four-move checkmate Murray had going during the flute solo? And she fell for it! He only has to take the pawn on F7 with his Queen, and he'll win the game!
Whew! That's enough chess excitement for one entry. Now for a different kind of excitement!
It is embarrassing to admit this, but when "One Night in Bangkok" started playing on the radio, I thought for about a month that the voice in the song was that of William Daniels--the voice of Kitt, the true star of Knight Rider!
Seriously. I really did.
But can you blame me? Watch the following clip and tell me if you don't think Murray Head sounds a hell of a lot like William Daniels!
Yeah, that clip didn't have enough William Daniels in it to really hear his voice. Here's a little more of his voice without all that Knight Rider music and tires screeching and Hasselhoff screaming "Ah! Oh, no!"
"If I wanted delicious?!" Who doesn't want delicious! Oh, for crying out loud!
Anyway, I think I've made my point--which is that William Daniels was the voice of Kitt, and that Murray Head sounds like William Daniels when he sings (but he probably doesn't sound like William Daniels when he talks to David Hasselhoff through a car radio speaker or when he talks to tubs of rich, creamy margarine.)
73. "Det Är Inte Lätt Att Vara Ödmjuk" by Johnny Andersson
After nearly two years of living in Sweden, there are only two songs other than hymns that I can sing parts of in Swedish by heart. I can sing the first verse of the Swedish version of "The Bare Necessities" from the Jungle Book. I listened to that tape quite a bit, and it actually helped me learn a lot of Swedish phrases. I can also sing the chorus to the Swedish equivalent of "Oh, Lord It's Hard to Be Humble" by Mac Davis. The second song makes this list because it's a favorite sing-along memory of walking and/or biking the streets of Sweden while singing this with my companions--at least the fun ones.
Here's the music and lyrics in case you'd like to sing along too.
And now, because I know the only Swedish words you know are "Frusen Glädje!"--which is pretty much all the Swedish anyone really needs to know--here are a few visual treats left over from the 80s.
She's not only guilty, she's unrepentant.
Who eats ice cream with a strawberry?!
This is why people hated 80s yuppies. They'd eat all the ice cream and the go out and make potholes in their fancy cars.
I just can't help myself either. Let's have some more of that frozen 80s commercial goodness!
Yes. The penguin works here.
Finally! A REAL COMPUTER KEYBOARD!
He sure likes to polish/fondle that heater! Better back it up some more, Randy!
Hey, if "Xanadu" makes it onto the list because of its sing-along high notes that no one can hit, you know "Bohemian Rhapsody" has to be included on the list too. Was there any song more fun to screech to while ripping up Arimo pavement in Old Blue?
Because this is a long song, I'm including the Peanuts video so the kids will be more likely to enjoy a full viewing of it. Hopefully, they won't understand the dark and hopeless lyrics.
I hate to say it, but this song has gotten way overplayed on classic rock radio over the years. It's sheer popularity makes me almost want to not like the song anymore, but memories of headbanging with the Arimo Mafia have cemented it into my mind as one of the great songs of my youth. Those memories are also why I really enjoyed the opening scene of the first Wayne's World movie, because we pretty much did the same thing.
I probably should place this song much, much, much higher on the list, but I wanted it next to "Xanadu" to create a double-shriek treat.
This video is one of the most covered and spoofed songs on the interwebbing. And I can't resist sharing a few of the better versions. Here's another video for the kiddies, just in case they want to hear their dad strain for the high note again.
This Star Trek version has some very well-timed and entertaining moments.
And since we're already in a Trekish mood....
Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me! For me! For meeeeeeEEEEEEEeee!
75. "Xanadu" by Olivia Newton John and the Electric Light Orchestra
This song makes the list for one reason only--the Capell clan substituted two words in the lyrics that made it a joyful sing-along song for everyone. Instead of "Xanadu," they sang "Arimo." And instead of "lights," they sang "light." Thus, the line:
Xanadu, your neon lights will shine for you, Xanadu!
was transformed into:
Arimo, your neon light will shine for you, Arimo!
The neon light was, of course, the Rand's cafe sign--the only neon light in all of Xanadu Arimo.
Also, it was quite fun during the sing-along for everyone to try to hit that last really high note. Of course, no one ever made it, and the resulting voice-shredding cacophony of ear-popping shrieks was so delightful that few could resist laughing at the ridiculousness of it all.
