41. "Against All Odds" by Phil Collins
Because no one captures the misery of unrequited love as well as pre-Buster Phil.
And if you ever want to make yourself as emotionally miserable as possible, try slow dancing to this song with a girl that you love but that doesn't love you back.
Sunday, January 20, 2019
Saturday, January 19, 2019
42. Fruit Basket Upset
42. "The Promise You Made" by Cock Robin
Many a year ago, I received a collection of taped music entitled, "The Best Songs You Ain't Never Heard." Since then, I've thought that name would be great concept and slogan for a radio station, or at the very least a weekly radio show. This song would be on the first hour's playlist for a number of reasons.
First, it never hit the charts in the USA, although it did very well in Europe, so I don't think I've ever heard it played on one of those radio stations that play hits from the 80s, including Bob, which is supposed to be willing to play anything. (Liars!)
Second, it's a damn good song. The music, the lyrics, the singing, the echoey guitars, the synthesizer, the electric drums--all done about as good as it could be done in 85. When I listen to it, I feel transported to mid-eighties Sweden, which is mostly a very good feeling. I also get a whiff of my freshman year of college. I can't believe it didn't get played at the one dance at Ricks that I went to in 85, as the lyrics have kind of a religious overtone while still being mostly romantic. You know--stuff like relying on someone else's faith to be strong or carrying someone to the far edge of time, which I guess you'd have to be pretty strong to do that without ever dropping the person.
Third, I would get to say "Cock Robin" on air. A lot. I'd probably just yell it out Tourette's style at random times during the rest of the program just because I could. Go ahead and try it. You know you want to.
Cock Robin!
Now for the video.
The video for the song is pretty goofy in parts and raises many questions. Why are all these people walking by a red phone booth in England? Why is this phone booth shown so many times in this video? Is it Dr. Who's tardis? How lazy is the drummer to let the girl haul those big drums into the tardis while all he's got in his hands are a couple of sticks? And why would anyone try to start a fight right outside a tardis with a fruit stand between you and the person you're trying to hit? I mean, if they started throwing fruit at each other, it would then make total sense. I loves me a good melon hurl! (I once hit Heath Clark with a rotten cantaloupe when he was following behind the Arimo garbage truck on his motorcycle.)
But in spite of the doofy parts of the video, I kind of like the way Anna LaCazio dances. VERY 80s. Also, there's a rather enjoyable kid yanking scene at about 35 seconds into the video. You know what I bet the mom shouted at the kid when she nearly ripped his arm off?
Cock Robin!
Many a year ago, I received a collection of taped music entitled, "The Best Songs You Ain't Never Heard." Since then, I've thought that name would be great concept and slogan for a radio station, or at the very least a weekly radio show. This song would be on the first hour's playlist for a number of reasons.
First, it never hit the charts in the USA, although it did very well in Europe, so I don't think I've ever heard it played on one of those radio stations that play hits from the 80s, including Bob, which is supposed to be willing to play anything. (Liars!)
Second, it's a damn good song. The music, the lyrics, the singing, the echoey guitars, the synthesizer, the electric drums--all done about as good as it could be done in 85. When I listen to it, I feel transported to mid-eighties Sweden, which is mostly a very good feeling. I also get a whiff of my freshman year of college. I can't believe it didn't get played at the one dance at Ricks that I went to in 85, as the lyrics have kind of a religious overtone while still being mostly romantic. You know--stuff like relying on someone else's faith to be strong or carrying someone to the far edge of time, which I guess you'd have to be pretty strong to do that without ever dropping the person.
Third, I would get to say "Cock Robin" on air. A lot. I'd probably just yell it out Tourette's style at random times during the rest of the program just because I could. Go ahead and try it. You know you want to.
Cock Robin!
Now for the video.
The video for the song is pretty goofy in parts and raises many questions. Why are all these people walking by a red phone booth in England? Why is this phone booth shown so many times in this video? Is it Dr. Who's tardis? How lazy is the drummer to let the girl haul those big drums into the tardis while all he's got in his hands are a couple of sticks? And why would anyone try to start a fight right outside a tardis with a fruit stand between you and the person you're trying to hit? I mean, if they started throwing fruit at each other, it would then make total sense. I loves me a good melon hurl! (I once hit Heath Clark with a rotten cantaloupe when he was following behind the Arimo garbage truck on his motorcycle.)
But in spite of the doofy parts of the video, I kind of like the way Anna LaCazio dances. VERY 80s. Also, there's a rather enjoyable kid yanking scene at about 35 seconds into the video. You know what I bet the mom shouted at the kid when she nearly ripped his arm off?
Cock Robin!
Thursday, October 18, 2018
43. I Have a Name. It's Dorothy.
43. "It Might Be You" by Stephen Bishop
In the early 80s, someone somewhere came up with the idea to write a romantic comedy with the lead and supporting male actors being Dustin Hoffman, Bill Murray, Charles Durning, and Dabney Coleman. And as the female lead actors, they rounded up Terry Garr, Geena Davis, Jessica Lange, and...Dustin Hoffman?!
If I had been in that 80's writer's room, I would have yelled at the top of my lungs, "Where's the beefcake?!" And the only halfway believable answer would have been "Dabney Coleman's mustache, of course."
Fortunately, that insane casting decision to not have a single hunky man in the movie ended up giving us a fantastic movie. It is, without a doubt, in the top ten best comedies of all time. Right up there with "Groundhog Day," another comedy gem starring Bill Murray. So there was lots going on in the movie to make it a top-notch comedy--including the fact that Dustin Hoffman turned out to be more attractive in drag than in real man clothes, at least to Charles Durning. (Suddenly I'm wondering what a Charles Durning-Dustin Hoffman child would look like. It isn't pretty.) But what about the movie made it a ROMANTIC comedy? Two things--Jessica Lange's incredible looks and the theme song for the movie, "It Might Be You."
Yes, I readily admit that Jessica Lange did not age gracefully. That's probably one reason they cast her on American Horror Story, for which she won a truckload of awards.
But back in the 80s, the Jessica Lange's role in "Tootsie"--for which she won an Oscar for Best Supporting Actress--was the incredibly beautiful and vulnerable-turned-powerful nurse Julie Nichols, the "hospital slut" (her words in the movie, not mine).
Every single time I saw the movie, which was a LOT (Downey theater made a lot of money off me from buying peanut M&Ms and cherry nibs--the best movie candy combo ever), I fell deeper and deeper in love with Jessica Lange. Now, I don't know the full psychological impact of my movie-star crush on Jessica, but I did end up marrying a sexy nurse named Julie.
The other thing that gave the movie a romantic feel was the theme song. I couldn't find any videos that combined the theme song with clips of the movie that didn't have a strange Russian logo on them, so prepare to see a hammer and sickle along with all the other stuff. It may be part of the Russian interference in the upcoming election, but I don't think it's going to sway any voters. The old Tootsie voting demographic just ain't what it used to be.
This is the kind of 80s love song that is tailor made for those times when you realize that the person you're feeling an attraction toward just MIGHT be the one for you for all of your life (like Jessica Lange). But by the definition of "might," it can also be that moment just before you realize that person might NOT be the one for you (like Dustin Hoffman). When I listen to it, it reminds me of those moments just before you go for it and try to make the relationship happen--that moment of elation when you know you're falling in love and nothing bad has happened yet, like having that person reveal on live TV that they're not the gender you thought they were. Or worse, that the person hogged all the peanut M&Ms and cherry nibs at the movie.
In the early 80s, someone somewhere came up with the idea to write a romantic comedy with the lead and supporting male actors being Dustin Hoffman, Bill Murray, Charles Durning, and Dabney Coleman. And as the female lead actors, they rounded up Terry Garr, Geena Davis, Jessica Lange, and...Dustin Hoffman?!
If I had been in that 80's writer's room, I would have yelled at the top of my lungs, "Where's the beefcake?!" And the only halfway believable answer would have been "Dabney Coleman's mustache, of course."
Fortunately, that insane casting decision to not have a single hunky man in the movie ended up giving us a fantastic movie. It is, without a doubt, in the top ten best comedies of all time. Right up there with "Groundhog Day," another comedy gem starring Bill Murray. So there was lots going on in the movie to make it a top-notch comedy--including the fact that Dustin Hoffman turned out to be more attractive in drag than in real man clothes, at least to Charles Durning. (Suddenly I'm wondering what a Charles Durning-Dustin Hoffman child would look like. It isn't pretty.) But what about the movie made it a ROMANTIC comedy? Two things--Jessica Lange's incredible looks and the theme song for the movie, "It Might Be You."
Yes, I readily admit that Jessica Lange did not age gracefully. That's probably one reason they cast her on American Horror Story, for which she won a truckload of awards.
 |
| This is what you end up looking like when you get hit by a truckload of awards. |
But back in the 80s, the Jessica Lange's role in "Tootsie"--for which she won an Oscar for Best Supporting Actress--was the incredibly beautiful and vulnerable-turned-powerful nurse Julie Nichols, the "hospital slut" (her words in the movie, not mine).
 |
| Jessica is the one on the left. |
Every single time I saw the movie, which was a LOT (Downey theater made a lot of money off me from buying peanut M&Ms and cherry nibs--the best movie candy combo ever), I fell deeper and deeper in love with Jessica Lange. Now, I don't know the full psychological impact of my movie-star crush on Jessica, but I did end up marrying a sexy nurse named Julie.
The other thing that gave the movie a romantic feel was the theme song. I couldn't find any videos that combined the theme song with clips of the movie that didn't have a strange Russian logo on them, so prepare to see a hammer and sickle along with all the other stuff. It may be part of the Russian interference in the upcoming election, but I don't think it's going to sway any voters. The old Tootsie voting demographic just ain't what it used to be.
This is the kind of 80s love song that is tailor made for those times when you realize that the person you're feeling an attraction toward just MIGHT be the one for you for all of your life (like Jessica Lange). But by the definition of "might," it can also be that moment just before you realize that person might NOT be the one for you (like Dustin Hoffman). When I listen to it, it reminds me of those moments just before you go for it and try to make the relationship happen--that moment of elation when you know you're falling in love and nothing bad has happened yet, like having that person reveal on live TV that they're not the gender you thought they were. Or worse, that the person hogged all the peanut M&Ms and cherry nibs at the movie.
Wednesday, October 17, 2018
44. Feels So Good
44. "Shine a Little Love" by Electric Light Orchestra
And how does it feel when you think that certain special someone has finally decided to come and get your love?
Like this.
What's to like about this song? Plenty!
To begin with, there's an exquisite disco gallop. If you can find a better disco gallop on any record, tape, CD, 8-track, or iTunes download, buy it.
There's a poppin' Kelly Groucutt baseline.
There's strings soaring up and down and round and round.
There's a repeated echoliscious downward scale run on the keyboard.
There's some excellently balanced rhythm guitar bits and drumming that make a pretty peppy wall of sound to hold up the singing.
There's lots of sing-along chorus-line words and phrases like "Remember!" and "You shine a little love on my life!" and "Yes, I understand" and "I know it is" and "I'll do it all again" and "Shine on me" and "Shi-i-ine" and "E.L.O." peppered throughout.
There's fun no-brain sing-along sounds like "Ooooooo!" and "Oo--oo--oo-ah-oo-ah-oo-ah-oo-ah-Ooooooo!" and "OowahOowahOowahOowahOowahOowah-Ooooooo!"
There's lyrics that put you in a helluva good mood and make you so happy about your love life that you can't believe there aren't more songs like this.
And don't forget the well-timed double handclaps.
Put all that together and you have a monster of a feel-good song that epitomizes that emotion you have when you are so sure the one you love loves you back that you think your skull might explode from the happy brain juices constantly flowing through it.
Oooooooo!
And how does it feel when you think that certain special someone has finally decided to come and get your love?
Like this.
What's to like about this song? Plenty!
To begin with, there's an exquisite disco gallop. If you can find a better disco gallop on any record, tape, CD, 8-track, or iTunes download, buy it.
There's a poppin' Kelly Groucutt baseline.
There's strings soaring up and down and round and round.
There's a repeated echoliscious downward scale run on the keyboard.
There's some excellently balanced rhythm guitar bits and drumming that make a pretty peppy wall of sound to hold up the singing.
There's lots of sing-along chorus-line words and phrases like "Remember!" and "You shine a little love on my life!" and "Yes, I understand" and "I know it is" and "I'll do it all again" and "Shine on me" and "Shi-i-ine" and "E.L.O." peppered throughout.
There's fun no-brain sing-along sounds like "Ooooooo!" and "Oo--oo--oo-ah-oo-ah-oo-ah-oo-ah-Ooooooo!" and "OowahOowahOowahOowahOowahOowah-Ooooooo!"
There's lyrics that put you in a helluva good mood and make you so happy about your love life that you can't believe there aren't more songs like this.
And don't forget the well-timed double handclaps.
Put all that together and you have a monster of a feel-good song that epitomizes that emotion you have when you are so sure the one you love loves you back that you think your skull might explode from the happy brain juices constantly flowing through it.
Oooooooo!
Monday, October 15, 2018
45. Come Get Some!
45. "Come and Get Your Love" by Redbone
To be honest, I had forgotten this song until I heard it playing in the opening scene of "Guardians of the Galaxy." And when it started to play, I could not help but be completely delighted by how it took me back to the 70s to hear it again. While there are many good 70s songs in the Guardians movies, I credit this one for setting the musical feel for the movies.
The song also has a similar sentiment to that found in Cheap Trick's "If You Want My Love." Only this time, it's got an electric sitar twang for added oomph!
Hey (hey), what's the matter with you, feel right, don't you feel right baby
Hey (hey), oh yeah, get it from the main vine, all right
I said a find it, find it, go on and love it if you like it, yeah
Hey (hey) it's your business, if you want some, take some, get it together baby
Come and get your love!
To be honest, I had forgotten this song until I heard it playing in the opening scene of "Guardians of the Galaxy." And when it started to play, I could not help but be completely delighted by how it took me back to the 70s to hear it again. While there are many good 70s songs in the Guardians movies, I credit this one for setting the musical feel for the movies.
The song also has a similar sentiment to that found in Cheap Trick's "If You Want My Love." Only this time, it's got an electric sitar twang for added oomph!
Hey (hey), what's the matter with you, feel right, don't you feel right baby
Hey (hey), oh yeah, get it from the main vine, all right
I said a find it, find it, go on and love it if you like it, yeah
Hey (hey) it's your business, if you want some, take some, get it together baby
Come and get your love!
46. You Want Some?
46. "If You Want My Love" by Cheap Trick
This song came out the summer of 1982--the same time I began to finally put some height and muscles on my body. Well, at least enough to think it was safe for me to play football the next year. I spent most of my days that summer as a lifeguard, where each hour of my work was spent watching dozens of beautiful girls, along with hundreds of not-so-beautiful ones. Yes, I had to look at boys too, but I figured I got paid to do that. The enjoyment I got from looking at the girls was just the icing on the paycheck.
But here's the crappy part of the gig. Lifeguards are supposed to watch people, not talk to them--unless you were blowing the whistle and telling them to obey some pool rule and/or kicking them out of the pool for either (a) an approaching lightning storm or (b) lewd behavior. That meant I did not get to talk to any of these beautiful girls. And it turns out that if you want to have a relationship with a girl, you kind of have to talk to her. So my job wasn't like being a kid in a candy store. It was like being a starving kid in a candy store that isn't allowed to have any candy and isn't even supposed to look too long at any one piece of candy and is absolutely forbidden to talk to the candy.
That job turned out to be a perfect metaphor for my teenage love life during my junior and senior years of high school. And the song "If You Want My Love" is the perfect expression of that feeling I would get when I realized I was attracted to a girl (or even hopelessly infatuated with her) but couldn't force myself to talk to her to get the relationship started.
If I'd only had something interesting to get the girl to get the conversation started, my life would have been different. Yes, if I'd only had something that would get their attention--something like a brightly colored sweater with pineapples, pyramids, and camels on it.
This song also kind of sums up my thoughts about all those guys that had girlfriends but weren't loyal to them and would cast them aside for really no good reason at all. What was wrong with you jerks! If you find a girl that is willing to put up with your crap, hold on to her like grim death! See, if I had somehow lucked out to have a girlfriend, here's what I would have said to her.
You hold the secrets of love in this world.
I'm hypnotized by your ev'ry word.
A special face, a special voice,
A special smile in my life.
'Cause lonely is only a place.
You don't know what it's like...
You can't fight it.
It's a hole in my heart, in my heart.
If you want my love you got it.
When you need my love you got it.
I won't hide it.
I won't throw your love away, ooh.
This song came out the summer of 1982--the same time I began to finally put some height and muscles on my body. Well, at least enough to think it was safe for me to play football the next year. I spent most of my days that summer as a lifeguard, where each hour of my work was spent watching dozens of beautiful girls, along with hundreds of not-so-beautiful ones. Yes, I had to look at boys too, but I figured I got paid to do that. The enjoyment I got from looking at the girls was just the icing on the paycheck.
But here's the crappy part of the gig. Lifeguards are supposed to watch people, not talk to them--unless you were blowing the whistle and telling them to obey some pool rule and/or kicking them out of the pool for either (a) an approaching lightning storm or (b) lewd behavior. That meant I did not get to talk to any of these beautiful girls. And it turns out that if you want to have a relationship with a girl, you kind of have to talk to her. So my job wasn't like being a kid in a candy store. It was like being a starving kid in a candy store that isn't allowed to have any candy and isn't even supposed to look too long at any one piece of candy and is absolutely forbidden to talk to the candy.
That job turned out to be a perfect metaphor for my teenage love life during my junior and senior years of high school. And the song "If You Want My Love" is the perfect expression of that feeling I would get when I realized I was attracted to a girl (or even hopelessly infatuated with her) but couldn't force myself to talk to her to get the relationship started.
If I'd only had something interesting to get the girl to get the conversation started, my life would have been different. Yes, if I'd only had something that would get their attention--something like a brightly colored sweater with pineapples, pyramids, and camels on it.
This song also kind of sums up my thoughts about all those guys that had girlfriends but weren't loyal to them and would cast them aside for really no good reason at all. What was wrong with you jerks! If you find a girl that is willing to put up with your crap, hold on to her like grim death! See, if I had somehow lucked out to have a girlfriend, here's what I would have said to her.
You hold the secrets of love in this world.
I'm hypnotized by your ev'ry word.
A special face, a special voice,
A special smile in my life.
'Cause lonely is only a place.
You don't know what it's like...
You can't fight it.
It's a hole in my heart, in my heart.
If you want my love you got it.
When you need my love you got it.
I won't hide it.
I won't throw your love away, ooh.
Saturday, October 6, 2018
47. Hair Metal
47. "Lunatic Fringe" by Red Rider
I really liked the stereoecholiscious sound of this song back when I heard it on FM radio in 1981. It never went anywhere on the charts, but it did manage to make it's way onto Season 1 Episode 15 ("Smuggler's Blues) of Miami Vice. If you didn't like Miami Vice, you may be tempted to not watch the whole video below, but you should watch it right up to the opening credits at least. There's a nifty triple-boom boat explosion you don't want to miss.
At the time the song came out, I never really could make out enough of the lyrics to understand it's anti-anti-semitism message. But thanks to the interwebs, the written lyrics unmistakably prove that these Canadian rockers don't like Nazis. But do you know what they do like? Not dancing. Their moves in this video are pretty much the exact same ones I used at every school dance.
By the way, this is the kind of song that sounds really good turned up loud while driving at night with the windows open. Try it. You'll like it.
Fun song-related story: Every three weeks or so I get my hair cut at a salon called "Lunatic Fringe" by Reina Summers--a young woman who gives the absolute insanely best shampoos ever known to humankind. I could go on and on about how incredible the shampoos are, but I won't, because anything I say will fall far, far short of what it feels like to have a fifteen-minute shampoo in which wave after wave of goosebumps shoot down your neck and spine all the way to your toes. Suffice it to say, whatever you think is the most awesome thing you could possibly experience in life--well, times that by ten, and you still won't be in even the same ballpark as one of Reina's shampoos. Anyway, one Wednesday afternoon I left work with barely enough time to make my regular 5:00 appointment. As I started up the 4Runner, "Lunatic Fringe" began playing on the radio. I cranked up the volume and tore out of the parking lot with an enormous grin on my face. Oh, the delight of listening to that song as I drove slightly above the speed limit to get to Lunatic Fringe on time for my super-shampoo!
Now every time I hear the opening of "Lunatic Fringe" on the radio, I imagine I'm in the middle of one of Reina's shampoos, and thanks to Pavlovian classical conditioning, the goosebump waves start up.
I know. It's just a fantasy. It's not the real thing. But sometimes a fantasy is all you need.
I really liked the stereoecholiscious sound of this song back when I heard it on FM radio in 1981. It never went anywhere on the charts, but it did manage to make it's way onto Season 1 Episode 15 ("Smuggler's Blues) of Miami Vice. If you didn't like Miami Vice, you may be tempted to not watch the whole video below, but you should watch it right up to the opening credits at least. There's a nifty triple-boom boat explosion you don't want to miss.
At the time the song came out, I never really could make out enough of the lyrics to understand it's anti-anti-semitism message. But thanks to the interwebs, the written lyrics unmistakably prove that these Canadian rockers don't like Nazis. But do you know what they do like? Not dancing. Their moves in this video are pretty much the exact same ones I used at every school dance.
By the way, this is the kind of song that sounds really good turned up loud while driving at night with the windows open. Try it. You'll like it.
Fun song-related story: Every three weeks or so I get my hair cut at a salon called "Lunatic Fringe" by Reina Summers--a young woman who gives the absolute insanely best shampoos ever known to humankind. I could go on and on about how incredible the shampoos are, but I won't, because anything I say will fall far, far short of what it feels like to have a fifteen-minute shampoo in which wave after wave of goosebumps shoot down your neck and spine all the way to your toes. Suffice it to say, whatever you think is the most awesome thing you could possibly experience in life--well, times that by ten, and you still won't be in even the same ballpark as one of Reina's shampoos. Anyway, one Wednesday afternoon I left work with barely enough time to make my regular 5:00 appointment. As I started up the 4Runner, "Lunatic Fringe" began playing on the radio. I cranked up the volume and tore out of the parking lot with an enormous grin on my face. Oh, the delight of listening to that song as I drove slightly above the speed limit to get to Lunatic Fringe on time for my super-shampoo!
 |
| Reina Summers -- Shampoo Goddess |
I know. It's just a fantasy. It's not the real thing. But sometimes a fantasy is all you need.
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