171. "Ice Ice Baby" by Vanilla Ice
"Under Pressure" by Queen (song #184 on the HondoJoe Top 200) probably would have made it onto this list if it hadn't been for "Ice Ice Baby." Vanilla Ice knocked it out of consideration because he sampled "Under Pressure" so heavily on this song that over the years it kind of dragged down my enjoyment of "Under Pressure." Now, why would I choose a song that samples "Under Pressure" over the actual song performed by Queen? Well, first, let me state that I'll readily admit that "Under Pressure" is a much, much better song than "Ice Ice Baby." The music is better. The lyrics are better. The video is better. I mean, GEEZ! The "Ice Ice Baby" video is so dark that I can barely see any of the dance moves! The only things I can even half-way see are walls of graffiti and the clips of him driving his white convertible...in front of more walls of graffiti.
Ice Ice Baby Video
The only reason "Ice Ice Baby" makes it onto this list is because of a brief personal connection I made with Vanilla Ice at the Salt Lake City airport. I was flying back to Kansas City after a job interview in Idaho, and the lady at the ticket counter asked if anyone would be willing to give up their seat so another passenger could get on the flight. I figured that since I was jobless, I really didn't have to be anywhere the next day, and the airline would pay for my stay at a local hotel that night and give me free airfare on a future flight. It sounded like a good deal to me, so I told them I'd give up my seat. But I still had to wait in line in case somebody didn't show up for their flight and there was room for me on the plane. So I stood at the back of the line next to this dude wearing what looked to me like a skater outfit and a baseball cap. He had tattoos all over his arms and legs and earrings in each ear. I remember thinking that he looked a little old to be wearing skater clothes, but maybe he was a snowboarder that had come to Utah to take advantage of some October snow. After he boarded the plane, I asked the woman at the ticket counter if they still needed my seat. She said that they did, since the last passenger had taken my seat. There was another guy at the counter who had given up his seat as well. He said to the two ladies behind the ticket counter, "Was that Vanilla Ice?" The lady said yes and smiled a little bit. Then the guy said, "Is he still performing?" I replied, "Yeah, I heard he rocks the mic like a vandal!" That got the guy and the ladies behind the counter laughing out loud.
Out of all the celebrities I could have met in my life, it turns out Fate selected Vanilla Ice, and even when I was meeting him I didn't even know who he was until he was out of sight, on the plane, sitting in my seat, eating my peanuts, and drinking my quarter-can of Sprite. For some reason, I get an enormous kick out of the fact that the biggest celebrity encounter of my life would be someone as lame as Vanilla Ice. Whenever I hear those opening measures of "Ice Ice Baby," I can't help but smile as I turn up the music and recall the time I got screwed over by Fate but managed to tell a Vanilla Ice joke that made three strangers chuckle, which I think is as close as Fate will let me get to fulfilling my fantasy of being a stand-up comedian. For me, this experience kind of symbolizes what I think is a major life lesson for me--you better find some amusement in life's disappointments, because if you don't laugh, you'll end up crying.
Yo! Let's get out of here. Word to your mother!
Thursday, June 25, 2015
172. Peas! Peas! Peas! Peas! Eatin' goober peas!
172. "Legend of The One-Eyed Sailor" by Chuck Mangione
You might think that "Feels So Good" or "Give It All You Got" would be the Chuck Mangione songs that made me want to take the money I earned from my first summer of lifeguarding and buy a flugelhorn. But you'd be wrong. It was "Legend of the One-Eyed Sailor."
The decision to purchase a flugelhorn came one evening while I was waiting in the car for someone (probably Mom or Dad) to come out of the church and drive me home. In those days, listening to the radio in the car was about the only option to stay entertained while waiting for parents to stop their drawn-out church chats. If we were at the church during a weekday and Mom or Dad said, "Wait for me in the car," the next words out of my mouth were, "Can I have the keys so I can listen to the radio?" On this particular evening I was moving up and down the dial looking for something good to listen to, and I landed on a jazz station. I thought, "What the heck, I'm in band, I'll listen to some jazz for a while." After a couple of songs, Chuck Mangione's "Legend of The One-Eyed Sailor" came on. I really enjoyed hearing the minute-long flugelhorn solo during the first part of the song, and I thought the song was going to end with it at about the 4-minute mark, since DJs usually don't play songs that go longer than that. Once in a while, you might hear a few songs that extend beyond 5 minutes, but as Billy says, "If your gonna have a hit, you gotta make it fit, so they cut it down to 3:05." Well, this song didn't stop after the flugelhorn solo. It went on for another 4 minutes. At the time, I think it was the longest song I had ever heard on the radio, and I probably could have listened to another 8 minutes of it. I loved the sound of the flugelhorn on this song so much that I decided at the end of it that I was going to buy me one. I also went to Grand Central and bought me a copy of Chuck's album "Tarentella," which featured this song, and listened to it over and over.
The album also had a few songs with Dizzy Gillespie, one of the greatest trumpet players ever. Simply put, Chuck loves Dizzy. So much that he wears a gold medallion around his neck of Dizzy's trumpet with the bell bent up at a 45-degree angle. But Chuck doesn't puff out his cheeks like Dizzy when he plays. Only Dizzy can do that.
While Dizzy didn't make my top 200 list with any songs, I must admit that I especially enjoy "Salt Peanuts." There's something about the sound of lightning-fast be-bop mixed with the image of salty goobers that I find irresistible!
By the way, I remember in elementary school that we had to learn to sing part of the Civil War song "Goober Peas." Now, our elementary school teachers didn't have time to teach us everything, so they would have to select only those things that they thought were most important for us to succeed in life. And for some reason, they thought learning this song was more important than learning the metric system. Burl and Johnny would agree.
You might think that "Feels So Good" or "Give It All You Got" would be the Chuck Mangione songs that made me want to take the money I earned from my first summer of lifeguarding and buy a flugelhorn. But you'd be wrong. It was "Legend of the One-Eyed Sailor."
The decision to purchase a flugelhorn came one evening while I was waiting in the car for someone (probably Mom or Dad) to come out of the church and drive me home. In those days, listening to the radio in the car was about the only option to stay entertained while waiting for parents to stop their drawn-out church chats. If we were at the church during a weekday and Mom or Dad said, "Wait for me in the car," the next words out of my mouth were, "Can I have the keys so I can listen to the radio?" On this particular evening I was moving up and down the dial looking for something good to listen to, and I landed on a jazz station. I thought, "What the heck, I'm in band, I'll listen to some jazz for a while." After a couple of songs, Chuck Mangione's "Legend of The One-Eyed Sailor" came on. I really enjoyed hearing the minute-long flugelhorn solo during the first part of the song, and I thought the song was going to end with it at about the 4-minute mark, since DJs usually don't play songs that go longer than that. Once in a while, you might hear a few songs that extend beyond 5 minutes, but as Billy says, "If your gonna have a hit, you gotta make it fit, so they cut it down to 3:05." Well, this song didn't stop after the flugelhorn solo. It went on for another 4 minutes. At the time, I think it was the longest song I had ever heard on the radio, and I probably could have listened to another 8 minutes of it. I loved the sound of the flugelhorn on this song so much that I decided at the end of it that I was going to buy me one. I also went to Grand Central and bought me a copy of Chuck's album "Tarentella," which featured this song, and listened to it over and over.
 |
| I'm so happy I'm blurred! |
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| Have you hugged your flugelhorn today? |
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| They're gonna blow! |
By the way, I remember in elementary school that we had to learn to sing part of the Civil War song "Goober Peas." Now, our elementary school teachers didn't have time to teach us everything, so they would have to select only those things that they thought were most important for us to succeed in life. And for some reason, they thought learning this song was more important than learning the metric system. Burl and Johnny would agree.
Wednesday, June 24, 2015
173. I am that merry wanderer of the night
173. "Fields of Gold" by Sting.
In the summer of 1993, Julie and I came to Boise so she could take her exam to become a registered nurse. I remember seeing this video at the hotel on the morning of the test and hearing it played on the radio that weekend. After Julie finished the all-day exam, we attended the Shakespeare festival in Boise and saw the play "A Midsummer Night's Dream." That was a really good weekend together, and I remember it with fondness. The Good Book directs young men to "Rejoice in the wife of thy youth," and this song triggers memories of the many good times we had during the early years of our marriage.
This song is Sting at his best. The dreamy composition is well-crafted, with some sparkling acoustic guitar parts and a couple of surprise appearances by the bagpipe. And the lyrics are quite poetic in both sound and meaning. However, having actually raised barley on our farm a couple times, I was a little amused at all the barley references in this song. Walking through a field of golden barley is not really a pleasurable experience. The dry, brittle stalks do not feel good brushing up against your body, and the hulls surrounding the seeds have long spikes that stick you.
If you are walking through a field of harvest-ready barley, and you aren't wearing gloves and a long-sleeved shirt, better keep your hands and lower arms above the grain, or all those prickly barely heads will irritate the hell out of any exposed skin. While it may sound romantic to make love while laying down in a field of ripe barley heads, the actual physical sensation of doing so would not be an experience you'd want to reminisce about later. No, it wouldn't feel good at all. In fact, it would sting.
In the summer of 1993, Julie and I came to Boise so she could take her exam to become a registered nurse. I remember seeing this video at the hotel on the morning of the test and hearing it played on the radio that weekend. After Julie finished the all-day exam, we attended the Shakespeare festival in Boise and saw the play "A Midsummer Night's Dream." That was a really good weekend together, and I remember it with fondness. The Good Book directs young men to "Rejoice in the wife of thy youth," and this song triggers memories of the many good times we had during the early years of our marriage.
This song is Sting at his best. The dreamy composition is well-crafted, with some sparkling acoustic guitar parts and a couple of surprise appearances by the bagpipe. And the lyrics are quite poetic in both sound and meaning. However, having actually raised barley on our farm a couple times, I was a little amused at all the barley references in this song. Walking through a field of golden barley is not really a pleasurable experience. The dry, brittle stalks do not feel good brushing up against your body, and the hulls surrounding the seeds have long spikes that stick you.
If you are walking through a field of harvest-ready barley, and you aren't wearing gloves and a long-sleeved shirt, better keep your hands and lower arms above the grain, or all those prickly barely heads will irritate the hell out of any exposed skin. While it may sound romantic to make love while laying down in a field of ripe barley heads, the actual physical sensation of doing so would not be an experience you'd want to reminisce about later. No, it wouldn't feel good at all. In fact, it would sting.
174. Stick out your tongue and say "uh-uh"
174. "Emotional Rescue" by The Rolling Stones
After four beautiful women all in a row, it's time to rip the beauty band-aid off and experience a little bit of the ugliness of rock 'n roll. And who better to do that than a wild-eyed, pouty-lipped Mick Jagger? Yes, ladies, if you are experiencing intense emotional distress, he's the man to come to your rescue.
There are few guaranteed things in life, but one of them is my ability to make my wife laugh by trying (and failing) to sing any rock song in a high falsetto. On this song, I'm a riot. Also, this is one of those rare gems that I can sing along with (while my wife chuckles) and think, "I might just sound better than this guy!"
But there is a lot of good stuff going on in this song that makes it a very enjoyable listen. The bass line supplies just the right amount of disco funk. The sexy sax solo is so good that it transcends time and space, as evidenced by the fact that the gyrating sax player keeps popping in and out of camera throughout the video. He's there…no, he's gone…there he is…where did he go?…right there…I don't see him!…oh, he's by the door. Maybe that's what's going on. He only comes into the room when the sax part needs to be played. A completely invisible keyboardist lays down some nice bits that help fill out the sound when the lead and rhythm guitarists take a break to guzzle some whiskey and powder their nostrils. There's the background "uh-uhs" that are loads of fun to sing. And the spoken part is tremendously entertaining, especially if you've ever had fantasies of being a knight in shining armor and/or a deranged stalker, riding across the desert on a fine Arab chaaaaaaahjaaahh while chanting "You will be mine, you will be mine, all mine!"
Yes, the only thing that would make that fantasy more wonderfuller is if it could all take place in strobing thermo-vision. Because how can I come to my love's emotional rescue if I don't first put her into an epileptic seizure?
The Rolling Stones: Emotional Rescue (Full Thermo-Vision Version)
After four beautiful women all in a row, it's time to rip the beauty band-aid off and experience a little bit of the ugliness of rock 'n roll. And who better to do that than a wild-eyed, pouty-lipped Mick Jagger? Yes, ladies, if you are experiencing intense emotional distress, he's the man to come to your rescue.
There are few guaranteed things in life, but one of them is my ability to make my wife laugh by trying (and failing) to sing any rock song in a high falsetto. On this song, I'm a riot. Also, this is one of those rare gems that I can sing along with (while my wife chuckles) and think, "I might just sound better than this guy!"
But there is a lot of good stuff going on in this song that makes it a very enjoyable listen. The bass line supplies just the right amount of disco funk. The sexy sax solo is so good that it transcends time and space, as evidenced by the fact that the gyrating sax player keeps popping in and out of camera throughout the video. He's there…no, he's gone…there he is…where did he go?…right there…I don't see him!…oh, he's by the door. Maybe that's what's going on. He only comes into the room when the sax part needs to be played. A completely invisible keyboardist lays down some nice bits that help fill out the sound when the lead and rhythm guitarists take a break to guzzle some whiskey and powder their nostrils. There's the background "uh-uhs" that are loads of fun to sing. And the spoken part is tremendously entertaining, especially if you've ever had fantasies of being a knight in shining armor and/or a deranged stalker, riding across the desert on a fine Arab chaaaaaaahjaaahh while chanting "You will be mine, you will be mine, all mine!"
Yes, the only thing that would make that fantasy more wonderfuller is if it could all take place in strobing thermo-vision. Because how can I come to my love's emotional rescue if I don't first put her into an epileptic seizure?
The Rolling Stones: Emotional Rescue (Full Thermo-Vision Version)
Tuesday, June 23, 2015
175. ¡Klaus, usted cerdo perezoso, bajar el sofá!
175. "Besame Mucho" by Consuelo Velázquez, performed by Diana Krall
Imagine that you are soaking in a tub of water that is at the perfect temperature while warm, smooth, sweet, blonde butter is being gently poured into your ears. That's how this song makes me feel. I don't remember the first time I saw or heard Diana Krall, but it got enough of my attention for me to go to the record store and see what albums she had. When I saw the cover of "The Look of Love" I immediately knew I had to get it. You see, I'm a HUGE fan of couches, and the album cover had this gorgeous black divan on it.
All of the songs on this jazz album are very good--it's her best selling album--and she plays piano on all of them. But when I heard "Besame Mucho," I thought to myself, "If a woman was deeply in love with me, and she really wanted to express her feelings in music, this is exactly the way I would want a woman to sing to me, especially if I spoke Spanish."
Unfortunately, I don't speak Spanish, so the true meaning of the lyrics are lost on me. But I believe the line "Bésame, bésame mucho" translated literally means "Sit down, sit down on the couch with me."
Imagine that you are soaking in a tub of water that is at the perfect temperature while warm, smooth, sweet, blonde butter is being gently poured into your ears. That's how this song makes me feel. I don't remember the first time I saw or heard Diana Krall, but it got enough of my attention for me to go to the record store and see what albums she had. When I saw the cover of "The Look of Love" I immediately knew I had to get it. You see, I'm a HUGE fan of couches, and the album cover had this gorgeous black divan on it.
All of the songs on this jazz album are very good--it's her best selling album--and she plays piano on all of them. But when I heard "Besame Mucho," I thought to myself, "If a woman was deeply in love with me, and she really wanted to express her feelings in music, this is exactly the way I would want a woman to sing to me, especially if I spoke Spanish."
Unfortunately, I don't speak Spanish, so the true meaning of the lyrics are lost on me. But I believe the line "Bésame, bésame mucho" translated literally means "Sit down, sit down on the couch with me."
Saturday, June 20, 2015
176. Hera, give me strength!
176. "Wonder Woman Theme Song" by Charles Fox (composer) and Norman Gimbel (Lyrics).
No television show introduction was enjoyed by all of my brothers and sisters as much as the opening comic book sequence and theme song to the first season of Wonder Woman. And the theme song was also cued up anytime Diana Prince took off her hat, flipped her hair out to its full length, and started spinning round and round until her costume blasted into place. In later seasons, the television studios thought they would spice things up a little bit and change the lyrics or the music, but none of the other three versions of the theme song were ever as good as the original.
In the 1970s, if you had asked all the children in the the U.S. to vote on who was the woman they would most like to be when they grow up, Lynda Carter would have won by a landslide. Even though the show only lasted three seasons in the 70s, I think it has had a huge positive impact on our culture and the way we think about women today. That's because Lynda Carter's Wonder Woman was exciting and inspiring and powerful--everything we look for in a superhero.
The music in the show also reflected those qualities. It was composed by Charles Fox, who wrote the music for many other memorable television show themes, including Love American Style, Happy Days, Lavern and Shirley, the Love Boat. He had a few Top 40 hits with "Killing Me Softly With His Song" by Roberta Black and "Ready to Take a Chance Again" by Barry Manilow. He also scored a lot of films, including Foul Play, 9 to 5, and...Strange Brew! Beauty, eh?!
Now, since this top 200 list is being published in the onternet, available for anyone to read, I would like to take this opportunity to write a quick letter of thanks to Lynda Carter, just in case she happens to read this.
-----
Dear Lynda,
I would like to thank you very much for your excellent portrayal of Wonder Woman. As a 10-year-old boy, you inspired me and all of my brothers and sisters to be better people and to respect and honor the power that women have to change the world. Now, as an adult, I pass on my appreciation for your work to my nieces and nephews. Last year I gave one of my nieces a Wonder Woman t-shirt. When she wore it to school the next day, all of the kids and all of the teachers told her how much they liked it. I know that is because when they see that Wonder Woman logo on the shirt, they're thinking of you. And my niece feels empowered when she wears the shirt, not because she thinks the shirt has any special power, but because the shirt lets the world know that she is ready to show us all of the strength, talent, and beauty that is inside her. Thank you for making that possible!
No television show introduction was enjoyed by all of my brothers and sisters as much as the opening comic book sequence and theme song to the first season of Wonder Woman. And the theme song was also cued up anytime Diana Prince took off her hat, flipped her hair out to its full length, and started spinning round and round until her costume blasted into place. In later seasons, the television studios thought they would spice things up a little bit and change the lyrics or the music, but none of the other three versions of the theme song were ever as good as the original.
In the 1970s, if you had asked all the children in the the U.S. to vote on who was the woman they would most like to be when they grow up, Lynda Carter would have won by a landslide. Even though the show only lasted three seasons in the 70s, I think it has had a huge positive impact on our culture and the way we think about women today. That's because Lynda Carter's Wonder Woman was exciting and inspiring and powerful--everything we look for in a superhero.
The music in the show also reflected those qualities. It was composed by Charles Fox, who wrote the music for many other memorable television show themes, including Love American Style, Happy Days, Lavern and Shirley, the Love Boat. He had a few Top 40 hits with "Killing Me Softly With His Song" by Roberta Black and "Ready to Take a Chance Again" by Barry Manilow. He also scored a lot of films, including Foul Play, 9 to 5, and...Strange Brew! Beauty, eh?!
Now, since this top 200 list is being published in the onternet, available for anyone to read, I would like to take this opportunity to write a quick letter of thanks to Lynda Carter, just in case she happens to read this.
-----
Dear Lynda,
I would like to thank you very much for your excellent portrayal of Wonder Woman. As a 10-year-old boy, you inspired me and all of my brothers and sisters to be better people and to respect and honor the power that women have to change the world. Now, as an adult, I pass on my appreciation for your work to my nieces and nephews. Last year I gave one of my nieces a Wonder Woman t-shirt. When she wore it to school the next day, all of the kids and all of the teachers told her how much they liked it. I know that is because when they see that Wonder Woman logo on the shirt, they're thinking of you. And my niece feels empowered when she wears the shirt, not because she thinks the shirt has any special power, but because the shirt lets the world know that she is ready to show us all of the strength, talent, and beauty that is inside her. Thank you for making that possible!
177. Sheila vs Leah
177. "Hot Legs" by Rod Stewart.
There's only one person that is responsible for this song making it into my top 200--Delvene Delaney. Without the memory of Delvene strutting to this song on the Paul Hogan show, it wouldn't even come close to making the list. It would be in the outer rim of the solar system keeping company with Donnie Iris's "Ah Leah."
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My wife just walked into the room while I was listening to "Ah Leah" and wondering if I should include a link to the goofy video in this post. She asked, "Are they singing about diarrhea?" Legitimate question. I watched the video again and substituted the word "diarrhea" for "Ah Leah." You try.
Donnie Iris video: Ah Leah
I have to say the lyrics actually work pretty well with that substitution, especially the choruses and the part at the end of the song when he starts screaming. Julie's suggested one-word lyric replacement may have just shifted the position of "Ah Leah" in the solar system so that it's orbit is now in the neighborhood of the gas giants.
Now back to our regularly scheduled program.
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Sunday night at 10:30 was a special family time in our house. All the kids had to go to bed but me, and Mom would stay out of the living room because she didn't like the fact that I was watching the Paul Hogan show. When it first started showing, she saw some of it. But what she saw was much too randy for her, and she didn't think it met church standards, which it definitely didn't. But lucky for me, my Dad served a mission in Australia, and he pretty much loved watching anything on TV if it came from Australia. Dad overruled Mom's objection since he was watching it with me and could turn it off if there were any really naughty parts. That meant I got to stay up late and watch the show with Dad. We had kind of had an unspoken agreement that if anything risqué did come on, he'd let me watch it as long as we were sure Mom wouldn't find out about it. But Mom did catch us once while watching the Hot Legs skit, and she started scolding Dad and me. But he put a quick stop to the tongue-lashing without even getting out of the easy chair by saying something like, "Oh, Roberta, just let us watch our show. It isn't going to do Daren any harm." Mom stormed off with a parting "Oh, Earl!" in her best I'm-so-disgusted voice. Within 30 seconds, Dad was roaring again at the skit. After that, Mom didn't protest my watching of the show any more, including the...
"Hot Legs" skit.
Thanks to Dad, every time "Hot Legs" is playing on the radio, I am now able to imagine Delvene Delaney wandering around some Australian town, apparently for no particular reason, and creating mayhem among the male populace by distracting them with the funnest legs to watch on TV. Fair dinkum!
There's only one person that is responsible for this song making it into my top 200--Delvene Delaney. Without the memory of Delvene strutting to this song on the Paul Hogan show, it wouldn't even come close to making the list. It would be in the outer rim of the solar system keeping company with Donnie Iris's "Ah Leah."
-----
My wife just walked into the room while I was listening to "Ah Leah" and wondering if I should include a link to the goofy video in this post. She asked, "Are they singing about diarrhea?" Legitimate question. I watched the video again and substituted the word "diarrhea" for "Ah Leah." You try.
Donnie Iris video: Ah Leah
I have to say the lyrics actually work pretty well with that substitution, especially the choruses and the part at the end of the song when he starts screaming. Julie's suggested one-word lyric replacement may have just shifted the position of "Ah Leah" in the solar system so that it's orbit is now in the neighborhood of the gas giants.
Now back to our regularly scheduled program.
-----
Sunday night at 10:30 was a special family time in our house. All the kids had to go to bed but me, and Mom would stay out of the living room because she didn't like the fact that I was watching the Paul Hogan show. When it first started showing, she saw some of it. But what she saw was much too randy for her, and she didn't think it met church standards, which it definitely didn't. But lucky for me, my Dad served a mission in Australia, and he pretty much loved watching anything on TV if it came from Australia. Dad overruled Mom's objection since he was watching it with me and could turn it off if there were any really naughty parts. That meant I got to stay up late and watch the show with Dad. We had kind of had an unspoken agreement that if anything risqué did come on, he'd let me watch it as long as we were sure Mom wouldn't find out about it. But Mom did catch us once while watching the Hot Legs skit, and she started scolding Dad and me. But he put a quick stop to the tongue-lashing without even getting out of the easy chair by saying something like, "Oh, Roberta, just let us watch our show. It isn't going to do Daren any harm." Mom stormed off with a parting "Oh, Earl!" in her best I'm-so-disgusted voice. Within 30 seconds, Dad was roaring again at the skit. After that, Mom didn't protest my watching of the show any more, including the...
"Hot Legs" skit.
Thanks to Dad, every time "Hot Legs" is playing on the radio, I am now able to imagine Delvene Delaney wandering around some Australian town, apparently for no particular reason, and creating mayhem among the male populace by distracting them with the funnest legs to watch on TV. Fair dinkum!
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| Hoges, Strop, and Hot Legs |
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