125. "The Launch/Cool the Engines" by Boston
Here's my favorite video featuring "Cool the Engines." (That's a lie!)
Boston's Third Stage album was the soundtrack to my 1988 courtship of Julie. Listening to Third Stage on the speakers inside the black step-side Chevy pickup on my 22nd birthday while driving home from our picnic at Jenny Lake with Julie sitting next to me--so AWESOME! The album had come out two years earlier while I was in Sweden, so it was old music for her, but it sounded new to me.
"Cool the Engines is one of those songs that is much better when you hear the lead-in song that ties into it. (Like how "Another Brick in the Wall Part 1" makes "Another Brick in the Wall Part 2" so much better.) In this case, "The Launch" gives "Cool the Engines" a sense of anticipation that is deliciously fulfilled with the opening guitar riff.
The following video was the only one I could find with both "The Launch" and "Cool the Engines" in one unbroken song. If you like the space shuttle, you may think it's the best thing ever. If you hate the space shuttle, close your eyes until the music stops.
"The Launch" is also one of those songs that inspired a movie scene inside my head that goes with the song. The song has a heroic quality to it that I think goes beyond the heroism of astronauts. I won't give you the entire backstory, because I don't have one. But I imagine this scene in which a former special forces type guy is in an underground facility where the bad dudes with machine guns are holding dozens of kids hostage. This guy doesn't believe in God, but his older brother--who died trying to rescue his own daughter from these bad dudes--tried to convince this guy repeatedly that he just needed to have faith, and God would protect him. Of course, the bad dudes torture this guy till they think he's dead. But he's just almost dead. That's when the scene and music begins.
0:04-0:59 The guy opens his one good eye and sees a light appear above his head. A young girl dressed in a white robe--an angel, but without wings--descends until she stands hovering behind his head. She lays her hands on his head and closes her eyes. When she removes her hands, his wounds are healed. He sits up and faces the girl. The angel reaches into her robe and withdraws a gleaming sword. She places the sword in his hand before kissing him on the head. She then ascends back into the light.
1:00-1:45 Cut to scene of a door being kicked open by the guy. Holding the sword in front of him, he wades into a group of the bad guys and starts slaying them all. Some of them get to their guns and start shooting him. You can see his flesh being hit by the bullets, but they have no effect on him. He continues to advance on them and kills them with the sword. With all of the men dead, he opens another door in the room and sees...
1:46-2:13 ...all of the children being held hostage. He see's his niece, who runs to him and hugs him, even though he's drenched in blood. He takes her by the hand and leads the children out of room and down a hall to where a thick steel door bars their escape to the outside. The man holds up the sword and points it at the door, and we see flames erupt from the blade, and....
2:14-2:37 ...from the outside we see the door blown outward in an explosion, and the man and children emerge from the smoke to freedom. While the other children run, the man collapses on the ground and his niece stands over him. He reaches up to touch her face, smiles at her, and says, "Thank God." She's crying but smiles back at him. Then he closes his eyes and dies.
2:37-2:55 The camera slowly zooms out from above, showing the dead man clutching the sword, his niece crying over his body. As the shot rises higher and higher, the light around him and the girl grows brighter and brighter until...
I don't know what happens after that. But that's the movie scene in my head that goes with that soundtrack in my ears. Somewhere in the movie after that scene we'd learn that the guy had never expressed faith in God before, but the little girl believed, and after she saw her father die, she had prayed to God to be rescued by her uncle, and he did.
Someday I'll write the story that goes around that scene. For now, you'll just have to imagine the scene without any idea how the dude got to where he is and then replace the idea of spaceships and aliens appearing with the idea of angels appearing--kind of like "Come Sail Away" in reverse.
Wednesday, April 12, 2017
Tuesday, April 11, 2017
126. In the Church of the Poison Mind
126. "End of the Line" by the Traveling Wilburys
The most disappointing thing about the record Traveling Wilburys Vol. 1 is that Jeff Lynne doesn't speak Japanese on it. But you know what you can do to get over that disappointment? Listen to "End of the Line," the last song on the album.
It's one of those rare rock songs that I think is so uplifting that it should be included in the hymnbook, but yet it isn't preachy like the wanna-be rock ditties that you'll find on one of those evangelical radio channels at the low end of spectrum.
This song hit the charts just a few months after I left HondoJoe for a younger woman and got married to Julie. I was young, thin, and happy to be moving into our mansion.
Yes, life was really good back then. And this song made it even better. The video features a pack of millionaire hobos taking turns singing to each other on a train about how everything is all right. Of course it is! You're millionaire hobos! I'll admit you're very musically talented hobos, but none of you are American's favorite guitar-playing hobo.
Only American's favorite hobo could afford to drive a Mercedes through the Idaho countryside instead of taking the train. These bums are forced to take the train to the end of the line, where they will most likely get into cars that they are not ashamed of (but not proud of either) and drive the rest of the way to their mansions. I'm not sure where those mansions are. From the look of the countryside out the train window, my guess is Kansas.
It is one of the few videos that you will ever find that features a Nobel Laureate singing backup for a ghost--or maybe it was a blue angel?
Well, either way--ghost or angel--it's all right, because you'll find songs about both in the hymnbook. I'm just not sure what ward would allow both Bruce Springsteen and Elvis Costello to play their guitars during a musical number. As far as I know, guitars are forbidden in church, unless you get 41 more guitar strings and attach them all to the frame of a harp. Then you could probably play whatever you want, including "Purple Haze."
The most disappointing thing about the record Traveling Wilburys Vol. 1 is that Jeff Lynne doesn't speak Japanese on it. But you know what you can do to get over that disappointment? Listen to "End of the Line," the last song on the album.
It's one of those rare rock songs that I think is so uplifting that it should be included in the hymnbook, but yet it isn't preachy like the wanna-be rock ditties that you'll find on one of those evangelical radio channels at the low end of spectrum.
This song hit the charts just a few months after I left HondoJoe for a younger woman and got married to Julie. I was young, thin, and happy to be moving into our mansion.
 |
| Wake up and do something more than dream of this mansion above. |
Yes, life was really good back then. And this song made it even better. The video features a pack of millionaire hobos taking turns singing to each other on a train about how everything is all right. Of course it is! You're millionaire hobos! I'll admit you're very musically talented hobos, but none of you are American's favorite guitar-playing hobo.
Only American's favorite hobo could afford to drive a Mercedes through the Idaho countryside instead of taking the train. These bums are forced to take the train to the end of the line, where they will most likely get into cars that they are not ashamed of (but not proud of either) and drive the rest of the way to their mansions. I'm not sure where those mansions are. From the look of the countryside out the train window, my guess is Kansas.
It is one of the few videos that you will ever find that features a Nobel Laureate singing backup for a ghost--or maybe it was a blue angel?
Well, either way--ghost or angel--it's all right, because you'll find songs about both in the hymnbook. I'm just not sure what ward would allow both Bruce Springsteen and Elvis Costello to play their guitars during a musical number. As far as I know, guitars are forbidden in church, unless you get 41 more guitar strings and attach them all to the frame of a harp. Then you could probably play whatever you want, including "Purple Haze."
Monday, April 10, 2017
127. History Repeating
127. "Godzilla" by Blue Öyster Cult
What?! You say that a gigantic, rampaging, fire-breathing monster such as Godzilla should have no place of honor in music history?!
Well, you know who disagrees with you? Patrick Stewart--that's who!
You know who else likes Godzilla in their music television videos? Devo--that's who!
You know who else likes to sing about radioactive Japanese lizards? Jeff Lynne--that's who!
In case you're wondering what Jeff Lynne is saying in Japanese, here's what our good friends on the international interconnected computer network have to say on the matter.
The japanese part is supposed to be a news broadcast. It says:
"Rinji news o moshiagemasu.
Rinji news o moshiagemasu.
Godzilla ga Ginza houmen e mukatte imasu.
Daishikyuu hinan shite kudasai.
Daishikyuu hinan shite kudasai."
Which means quite literally:
"We give you special news.
We give you special news.
Godzilla is turning towards the Ginza district.
As soon as possible take shelter, please.
As soon as possible take shelter, please."
You know, THAT'S what we're missing in today's music--mid-song news bulletins in Japanese! Thanks, Jeff Lynne!
What?! You say that a gigantic, rampaging, fire-breathing monster such as Godzilla should have no place of honor in music history?!
Well, you know who disagrees with you? Patrick Stewart--that's who!
You know who else likes Godzilla in their music television videos? Devo--that's who!
You know who else likes to sing about radioactive Japanese lizards? Jeff Lynne--that's who!
In case you're wondering what Jeff Lynne is saying in Japanese, here's what our good friends on the international interconnected computer network have to say on the matter.
---------------
The japanese part is supposed to be a news broadcast. It says:
"Rinji news o moshiagemasu.
Rinji news o moshiagemasu.
Godzilla ga Ginza houmen e mukatte imasu.
Daishikyuu hinan shite kudasai.
Daishikyuu hinan shite kudasai."
Which means quite literally:
"We give you special news.
We give you special news.
Godzilla is turning towards the Ginza district.
As soon as possible take shelter, please.
As soon as possible take shelter, please."
---------------
You know, THAT'S what we're missing in today's music--mid-song news bulletins in Japanese! Thanks, Jeff Lynne!
128. Softer Than Charmin
128. "I Want to Know What Love Is" by Foreigner
Here's the soft rock yin to my heavy metal yang.
If you'd asked me in 1981 if Foreigner would ever make a soft rock song that was better than "Waiting for a Girl Like You," I would have said definitely not. Foreigner 4 was the soundtrack to my first summer of lifeguarding at Lava Hot Springs, and "Waiting for a Girl Like You" is associated with so many girls in bikinis that it would have taken a soft rock monster hit like no other to surpass it.
"I Want to Know What Love Is" is such a monster. It's a gigantic Stay-Puft marshmallow man wrapped in whipped cream floating atop a fluffy cotton-ball cloud.
It came out around Christmas during my freshman year at Ricks, and it was such a big hit that it quickly received the most coveted musical honor any musician at that time could ever hope for--it was played on Miami Vice Season 01, Episode 16: Rites of Passage!
Now, if you're willing to watch a crap-load of commercials to get access to it (for freeeee!), you can see the part of the episode with the song by clicking on the link below and forwarding to the 34:40 mark. (Spoiler: A drug dealer kills somebody with a drug overdose.)
http://www.nbc.com/classic-tv/miami-vice/video/rites-of-passage/n30553
This song hit #1 on the charts in a lot of different countries, which inevitably meant other people would sing covers of this song in a vain attempt to stop their careers from freefalling into oblivion, including Maria Carey and Wynonna Judd. In Australia, Tina Arena recorded a version of this song with one of the guys from Foreigner that co-wrote it. It includes some lyrics the guy wrote specifically for Tina's release of the song, so it's a little different. But I still like it. And the video is worth watching for just one scene alone. (You'll know which scene it is when you see it.)
But probably the best bad cover of this song is a duet by Tom Cruise and Malin Åkerman--a Swedish-Canadian actress--that they sang as part of the movie Rock of Ages. It's worth a look, but I highly recommend you watch it without the kids around though--partly because of the sexual content and partly because small children should not be exposed to Tom Cruise. Ever.
Why is this song on my list? First of all, it's just a damn good song. The singing, the lyrics, the instrumentation, the back-up choir, the oodles and oodles of 80s synthesizer sounds--it all blends together so well that it's guaranteed to trigger sentimental feelings for the people we love. Second, according to my 18-year-old college kid memory bank, it came out after I'd sworn off dating and going to dances, so it is untainted by memories of unrequited love, which means its one of the few pre-mission love songs that I can enjoy without thinking of any specific girl that dogged me. Third, I'm not to proud to admit it--I've always wanted to know what love is. And now I think I want Malin to show me on an air hockey table.
Here's the soft rock yin to my heavy metal yang.
If you'd asked me in 1981 if Foreigner would ever make a soft rock song that was better than "Waiting for a Girl Like You," I would have said definitely not. Foreigner 4 was the soundtrack to my first summer of lifeguarding at Lava Hot Springs, and "Waiting for a Girl Like You" is associated with so many girls in bikinis that it would have taken a soft rock monster hit like no other to surpass it.
"I Want to Know What Love Is" is such a monster. It's a gigantic Stay-Puft marshmallow man wrapped in whipped cream floating atop a fluffy cotton-ball cloud.
It came out around Christmas during my freshman year at Ricks, and it was such a big hit that it quickly received the most coveted musical honor any musician at that time could ever hope for--it was played on Miami Vice Season 01, Episode 16: Rites of Passage!
Now, if you're willing to watch a crap-load of commercials to get access to it (for freeeee!), you can see the part of the episode with the song by clicking on the link below and forwarding to the 34:40 mark. (Spoiler: A drug dealer kills somebody with a drug overdose.)
http://www.nbc.com/classic-tv/miami-vice/video/rites-of-passage/n30553
This song hit #1 on the charts in a lot of different countries, which inevitably meant other people would sing covers of this song in a vain attempt to stop their careers from freefalling into oblivion, including Maria Carey and Wynonna Judd. In Australia, Tina Arena recorded a version of this song with one of the guys from Foreigner that co-wrote it. It includes some lyrics the guy wrote specifically for Tina's release of the song, so it's a little different. But I still like it. And the video is worth watching for just one scene alone. (You'll know which scene it is when you see it.)
But probably the best bad cover of this song is a duet by Tom Cruise and Malin Åkerman--a Swedish-Canadian actress--that they sang as part of the movie Rock of Ages. It's worth a look, but I highly recommend you watch it without the kids around though--partly because of the sexual content and partly because small children should not be exposed to Tom Cruise. Ever.
Why is this song on my list? First of all, it's just a damn good song. The singing, the lyrics, the instrumentation, the back-up choir, the oodles and oodles of 80s synthesizer sounds--it all blends together so well that it's guaranteed to trigger sentimental feelings for the people we love. Second, according to my 18-year-old college kid memory bank, it came out after I'd sworn off dating and going to dances, so it is untainted by memories of unrequited love, which means its one of the few pre-mission love songs that I can enjoy without thinking of any specific girl that dogged me. Third, I'm not to proud to admit it--I've always wanted to know what love is. And now I think I want Malin to show me on an air hockey table.
129. She Who Dealt It
129. "Fresh" by Devo
I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "I've seen lots of nifty bands on this list in the first 70 songs, but where the hell is Devo?!" That's exactly the question I had in 2010 the day they released Something for Everybody, their first album in 20 years. The album got off to a rip-roaring start with "Fresh." Who wouldn't like a song about sweet and tangy vapors? It's useless to resist its power!
I'm not sure what they are trying to say by singing about fresh smells while a pair of hands scoops up a sunbeam that emanates from a woman's bikini-clad backside with cartoon eyes that cry. Is this song about the joyous smells of a well-balanced diet or the putrid fumes of female fruity farts? I don't know, and it doesn't matter. It's Devo. And that means the song doesn't have to make sense. I just has to sound good. The video doesn't have to make sense either. If it's got zoom-in footage of a cat and a dog and a man dressed in a cat suit, the interwebs approve.
I will go out on a limb here and state, without offering any proof at all, that this has to be the fruitiest music video of all time. Their live performance of the song on David Letterman, however, had nary a fruit or vegetable in it. Instead, they promoted everyone's favorite fungus by wearing mushroom-shaped hat-masks.
Yep. Devo's still got it. I'm not sure that "it" is, but--Damn! That smells good!
I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "I've seen lots of nifty bands on this list in the first 70 songs, but where the hell is Devo?!" That's exactly the question I had in 2010 the day they released Something for Everybody, their first album in 20 years. The album got off to a rip-roaring start with "Fresh." Who wouldn't like a song about sweet and tangy vapors? It's useless to resist its power!
I'm not sure what they are trying to say by singing about fresh smells while a pair of hands scoops up a sunbeam that emanates from a woman's bikini-clad backside with cartoon eyes that cry. Is this song about the joyous smells of a well-balanced diet or the putrid fumes of female fruity farts? I don't know, and it doesn't matter. It's Devo. And that means the song doesn't have to make sense. I just has to sound good. The video doesn't have to make sense either. If it's got zoom-in footage of a cat and a dog and a man dressed in a cat suit, the interwebs approve.
I will go out on a limb here and state, without offering any proof at all, that this has to be the fruitiest music video of all time. Their live performance of the song on David Letterman, however, had nary a fruit or vegetable in it. Instead, they promoted everyone's favorite fungus by wearing mushroom-shaped hat-masks.
Yep. Devo's still got it. I'm not sure that "it" is, but--Damn! That smells good!
Sunday, April 9, 2017
130. Part B: Heavy Metal Music Challenge
130. Part B: "Breakin' the Law" by Judas Priest
After publishing the entry for song #130, I received a challenge from HondoJoe to name any other Judas Priest song besides "United" and "You've Got Another Thing Comin'." Apparently, my inclusion of heavy metal songs is a bit surprising, as I didn't seem to listen to a lot of heavy metal as a teenager.
Let me set the record straight.
During my childhood and early teenage years, the church leaders in the stake and ward made it quite clear that heavy metal was the devil's music. I believe they said this in part because the music was loud and harsh, unlike the rock 'n' roll they had listened to in the 50s and 60s. Of course, it didn't help that the lyrics actually referenced the devil and his evil domain (Inkom). "Good music" was defined as classical music and anything you could sing in church. Consequently, listening to heavy metal meant you were openly and purposefully rebelling against the Almighty Ruler of the Universe and/or Kathryn Payne.
Memories of heavy metal music in my early teenage years are few. Because it was not endorsed by the God/Payne-fearing people of our farming community, I had a negative opinion of heavy metal. I remember thinking it was a bit of a secret scandal among us kids that the Bellon boys liked listening to KISS, since his father was in the bishopric in one calling or another throughout my youth.
Also, I remember Sam Gunter listened to Blue Öyster Cult in his car outside the church after mutual. I walked away from it, not wanting to hear such evil music.
And in 1981, the movie Heavy Metal premiered--a movie that I did not see then because of its R rating and have not seen since because I'm not a fan of R-rated cartoons. Cartoons aren't supposed to involve people in profane, raunchy, and violent conflicts with each other. Cartoons are supposed to be clean, chaste, and violent conflicts between a rabbit and a duck, a rabbit and a bull, a rabbit and a tasmanian devil, a rabbit and a pig with a speech impediment, a rabbit and a hunter with a speech impediment, a rabbit and a witch with a hairpin impediment, a rabbit and a martian with a ray-gun impediment, a roadrunner and a coyote, a sheepdog and a coyote, a bird and a cat, a mouse and the same cat, a completely different cat and a skunk, a rooster and a chickenhawk, and a rabbit and the roughest, toughest, rootin'est, shootin'est claim-jumper that ever jumped a claim! However, even though the Heavy Metal the cartoon did not interest me, as I advanced into my middle teens, I couldn't resist the movie's invitation to take a ride on heavy metal.
By the time I turned 16, I had mostly changed my mind about heavy metal. I didn't like the really hard stuff, but if they played it on the radio, I'd listen to it.
What brought about such a sharp turn in my attitude towards the music? It was a stake youth fireside.
Sometime in 1981 or 1982, the stake brought in a guest speaker came to talk to all us younguns about the evils of rock music. I remember at the beginning of the talk he explained how rock songs would lead us straight to hell with their insidious lyrics. I thought to myself that he must be talking about heavy metal bands like KISS, Blue Öyster Cult, Black Sabbath, Judas Priest, AC/DC, Iron Maiden, Nazareth, or maybe Van Halen. But when it came time to provide a real-life example of rock 'n' roll damnation, the speaker didn't chose any of these heavy metal groups as the epitome of evil music. Instead, he started bashing the song "Only the Good Die Young" by Billy Joel. Being a huge fan of Billy Joel, I decided at that very moment that on matters related to music the speaker and all of the other ecclesiastical leaders of the community were simply full of shit. That's when I gave myself permission to start listening to heavy metal songs.
I wasn't what you would call a consumer of heavy metal. I didn't buy any heavy metal albums. And I didn't wear any t-shirts with heavy metal bands on them. I also didn't have any posters up in my room featuring anyone dressed in studded leather. But I would listen to the songs on the radio, and I found that I liked quite a few of them. Cousin Randy liked a lot of heavy metal. He was a big Van Halen fan, and I came to like their music too (until Diamond Dave left the band). As far as I can remember, my friends weren't into heavy metal, unless you count Meatloaf as a heavy metal artist. (Heavy? Yes. Metal? Maybe.) So my buddies and I didn't listen to a lot of heavy metal while we were hanging out. But since I spent a lot of time in my youth listening to the rock 'n' roll radio stations while driving the tractor and truck, I heard plenty of heavy metal songs that I liked. And the music television had some interesting videos by heavy metal bands. Among them was Judas Priest's "Breaking the Law."
Hey! Do you like music videos in which three guys dressed in black leather--one of whom is wearing a pilgrim hat--rob a bank using their ultra-loud guitars as both weapons and safe-cracking devices? Then you're in for a real treat!
This video is chock-a-block full of heavy metal wonder. And by that I mean I wonder what the hell is going on?!
Questions abound.
Why are they driving on the right side of the road when they pull up to the bank in the getaway car? It's England! Aren't they suppose to drive on the left side of the road?
If they're in England, shouldn't the steering wheel be on the right side of the car, not the left?
And why are they driving a convertible for a getaway car anyway? Wouldn't bank robbers want a car with a roof and tinted windows that conceal their identity and provide some protection against flying bullets?
What bank would keep their security guard out of the waiting area and instead put him in a separate room where he spends his time reading Penthouse magazine and taking naps?
How did the flowers that the blonde dude knocked over get back onto the counter? All of the people in the bank had both hands either up in the air or clamped over their ears. Do they have bouncing flowers in England?
Where does Ian Fitzgerald buy his glasses? And under the English health care system does he get free replacement lenses if they get shattered by loud music?
How the hell did the drummer suddenly appear with a full drum set in the middle of the bank?! We didn't see anyone enter the bank carrying drum equipment!
How the hell did that bearded bass guitarist suddenly appear? Only two guitarists came into the bank with the lead singer--the blonde one and the one with the red pants. Does the beard give the bass guitarist the power of teleportation?! And when he appears, does anyone detect the faint smell of burning brimstone?
What is that thing that keeps appearing and disappearing on the back counter by the guitarist? Is it a plant in a macrame holder? Or is it a video camera on a tripod?
Who is Sue Cuss? And why do I think her bangs look cute?
What happened to all the glass panes in the glass wall above the counter? Some of the glass is still there, but the robbers are able to easily step through the deglassed parts of the wall. The band didn't shatter the glass with their guitars or music. Why wouldn't the bank have ALL of the glass panes installed to keep the tellers safe from bank robbers and/or rampaging rock bands?
What power chord do you play to open a combination lock on a door to a bank vault?
Why would a band need to break into a bank to steal a gold record that was theirs in the first place? And why would the bars inside the vault need to be bent when the record is within arm's reach and both arms and gold record could easily slip through the unbent bars?
How are they able to blow up a security camera with their guitars?!
Why can we still see the waiting area on the security monitor after the band has blown up the security camera with their guitars?
Why does the bank's security guard have a fake wooden guitar by his desk instead of a real metal gun?
Why does the band leave the drum set inside the bank after the heist? Won't the police be able to trace the drum set back to them?
Who is driving the getaway car at the end of the video? We see six people in the car, but only five were involved in the heist. There are three guitarists and the drummer in the back seat, and the lead singer is standing on the passenger side of the car (which should really be the driver's side in England). Does the beard give the bass guitarist the power to teleport other people with his mind?
At the beginning of the video (0:26), we see the car on its way to the heist going down the highway towards two multi-story buildings. Then at the end of the video (2:35), we see the same car going down the exact same stretch of highway towards those same two multi-story buildings. Shouldn't they be fleeing the scene of the crime, not driving back towards it? Or are they going back to get the drum set?
This video is a magical mystery tour that may never be solved. I don't know if the real crime being depicted in the video is bank robbery or a total disregard of cinematic continuity. However, this is the song that meets HondoJoe's heavy metal challenge. It's the only other Judas Priest song I can name from memory besides "You've Got Another Thing Comin'." But you can count on hearing a few more heavy metal songs before we reach #1 on this top 200 list. Yes we'll continue to take this ride on heavy metal! But it won't be in a convertible, Payne willing!
After publishing the entry for song #130, I received a challenge from HondoJoe to name any other Judas Priest song besides "United" and "You've Got Another Thing Comin'." Apparently, my inclusion of heavy metal songs is a bit surprising, as I didn't seem to listen to a lot of heavy metal as a teenager.
Let me set the record straight.
During my childhood and early teenage years, the church leaders in the stake and ward made it quite clear that heavy metal was the devil's music. I believe they said this in part because the music was loud and harsh, unlike the rock 'n' roll they had listened to in the 50s and 60s. Of course, it didn't help that the lyrics actually referenced the devil and his evil domain (Inkom). "Good music" was defined as classical music and anything you could sing in church. Consequently, listening to heavy metal meant you were openly and purposefully rebelling against the Almighty Ruler of the Universe and/or Kathryn Payne.
Memories of heavy metal music in my early teenage years are few. Because it was not endorsed by the God/Payne-fearing people of our farming community, I had a negative opinion of heavy metal. I remember thinking it was a bit of a secret scandal among us kids that the Bellon boys liked listening to KISS, since his father was in the bishopric in one calling or another throughout my youth.
Also, I remember Sam Gunter listened to Blue Öyster Cult in his car outside the church after mutual. I walked away from it, not wanting to hear such evil music.
And in 1981, the movie Heavy Metal premiered--a movie that I did not see then because of its R rating and have not seen since because I'm not a fan of R-rated cartoons. Cartoons aren't supposed to involve people in profane, raunchy, and violent conflicts with each other. Cartoons are supposed to be clean, chaste, and violent conflicts between a rabbit and a duck, a rabbit and a bull, a rabbit and a tasmanian devil, a rabbit and a pig with a speech impediment, a rabbit and a hunter with a speech impediment, a rabbit and a witch with a hairpin impediment, a rabbit and a martian with a ray-gun impediment, a roadrunner and a coyote, a sheepdog and a coyote, a bird and a cat, a mouse and the same cat, a completely different cat and a skunk, a rooster and a chickenhawk, and a rabbit and the roughest, toughest, rootin'est, shootin'est claim-jumper that ever jumped a claim! However, even though the Heavy Metal the cartoon did not interest me, as I advanced into my middle teens, I couldn't resist the movie's invitation to take a ride on heavy metal.
By the time I turned 16, I had mostly changed my mind about heavy metal. I didn't like the really hard stuff, but if they played it on the radio, I'd listen to it.
What brought about such a sharp turn in my attitude towards the music? It was a stake youth fireside.
Sometime in 1981 or 1982, the stake brought in a guest speaker came to talk to all us younguns about the evils of rock music. I remember at the beginning of the talk he explained how rock songs would lead us straight to hell with their insidious lyrics. I thought to myself that he must be talking about heavy metal bands like KISS, Blue Öyster Cult, Black Sabbath, Judas Priest, AC/DC, Iron Maiden, Nazareth, or maybe Van Halen. But when it came time to provide a real-life example of rock 'n' roll damnation, the speaker didn't chose any of these heavy metal groups as the epitome of evil music. Instead, he started bashing the song "Only the Good Die Young" by Billy Joel. Being a huge fan of Billy Joel, I decided at that very moment that on matters related to music the speaker and all of the other ecclesiastical leaders of the community were simply full of shit. That's when I gave myself permission to start listening to heavy metal songs.
I wasn't what you would call a consumer of heavy metal. I didn't buy any heavy metal albums. And I didn't wear any t-shirts with heavy metal bands on them. I also didn't have any posters up in my room featuring anyone dressed in studded leather. But I would listen to the songs on the radio, and I found that I liked quite a few of them. Cousin Randy liked a lot of heavy metal. He was a big Van Halen fan, and I came to like their music too (until Diamond Dave left the band). As far as I can remember, my friends weren't into heavy metal, unless you count Meatloaf as a heavy metal artist. (Heavy? Yes. Metal? Maybe.) So my buddies and I didn't listen to a lot of heavy metal while we were hanging out. But since I spent a lot of time in my youth listening to the rock 'n' roll radio stations while driving the tractor and truck, I heard plenty of heavy metal songs that I liked. And the music television had some interesting videos by heavy metal bands. Among them was Judas Priest's "Breaking the Law."
Hey! Do you like music videos in which three guys dressed in black leather--one of whom is wearing a pilgrim hat--rob a bank using their ultra-loud guitars as both weapons and safe-cracking devices? Then you're in for a real treat!
This video is chock-a-block full of heavy metal wonder. And by that I mean I wonder what the hell is going on?!
Questions abound.
Why are they driving on the right side of the road when they pull up to the bank in the getaway car? It's England! Aren't they suppose to drive on the left side of the road?
If they're in England, shouldn't the steering wheel be on the right side of the car, not the left?
And why are they driving a convertible for a getaway car anyway? Wouldn't bank robbers want a car with a roof and tinted windows that conceal their identity and provide some protection against flying bullets?
What bank would keep their security guard out of the waiting area and instead put him in a separate room where he spends his time reading Penthouse magazine and taking naps?
How did the flowers that the blonde dude knocked over get back onto the counter? All of the people in the bank had both hands either up in the air or clamped over their ears. Do they have bouncing flowers in England?
Where does Ian Fitzgerald buy his glasses? And under the English health care system does he get free replacement lenses if they get shattered by loud music?
How the hell did the drummer suddenly appear with a full drum set in the middle of the bank?! We didn't see anyone enter the bank carrying drum equipment!
How the hell did that bearded bass guitarist suddenly appear? Only two guitarists came into the bank with the lead singer--the blonde one and the one with the red pants. Does the beard give the bass guitarist the power of teleportation?! And when he appears, does anyone detect the faint smell of burning brimstone?
What is that thing that keeps appearing and disappearing on the back counter by the guitarist? Is it a plant in a macrame holder? Or is it a video camera on a tripod?
Who is Sue Cuss? And why do I think her bangs look cute?
What happened to all the glass panes in the glass wall above the counter? Some of the glass is still there, but the robbers are able to easily step through the deglassed parts of the wall. The band didn't shatter the glass with their guitars or music. Why wouldn't the bank have ALL of the glass panes installed to keep the tellers safe from bank robbers and/or rampaging rock bands?
What power chord do you play to open a combination lock on a door to a bank vault?
Why would a band need to break into a bank to steal a gold record that was theirs in the first place? And why would the bars inside the vault need to be bent when the record is within arm's reach and both arms and gold record could easily slip through the unbent bars?
How are they able to blow up a security camera with their guitars?!
Why can we still see the waiting area on the security monitor after the band has blown up the security camera with their guitars?
Why does the bank's security guard have a fake wooden guitar by his desk instead of a real metal gun?
Why does the band leave the drum set inside the bank after the heist? Won't the police be able to trace the drum set back to them?
Who is driving the getaway car at the end of the video? We see six people in the car, but only five were involved in the heist. There are three guitarists and the drummer in the back seat, and the lead singer is standing on the passenger side of the car (which should really be the driver's side in England). Does the beard give the bass guitarist the power to teleport other people with his mind?
At the beginning of the video (0:26), we see the car on its way to the heist going down the highway towards two multi-story buildings. Then at the end of the video (2:35), we see the same car going down the exact same stretch of highway towards those same two multi-story buildings. Shouldn't they be fleeing the scene of the crime, not driving back towards it? Or are they going back to get the drum set?
This video is a magical mystery tour that may never be solved. I don't know if the real crime being depicted in the video is bank robbery or a total disregard of cinematic continuity. However, this is the song that meets HondoJoe's heavy metal challenge. It's the only other Judas Priest song I can name from memory besides "You've Got Another Thing Comin'." But you can count on hearing a few more heavy metal songs before we reach #1 on this top 200 list. Yes we'll continue to take this ride on heavy metal! But it won't be in a convertible, Payne willing!
Thursday, April 6, 2017
130. Here's Where the Talkin' Ends
130. "You've Got Another Thing Comin'" by Judas Priest
Judas Priest scored a #62 spot on the HondoJoe 200 with "United" because of the ability of the band to get young teenage boys pumped up and ready for battle. In this list, they come in at #130 with "You've Got Another Thing Comin'." I didn't listen to this group growing up, although I did enjoy this song. I have no memories that I can associate with this song in adulthood either.
Then why, you may ask, is this song on the list? Well, Gregg, it's on the list because (a) I always listen to it when it comes on the radio without even the thought of turning to another song, (b) it gets me pumped up and makes me want to exact revenge upon all my enemies (which includes you, Gregg, for questioning my choice of songs on this list) and (c) the video is incredibly entertaining. In fact, I think this video may be one of the best to ever come out of the early years of MTV. It's got everything an 80s heavy metal video should have--big hair, driving power-chords, pounding drums with lots of cymbal crashes, lyrics half-sung/half-screamed, bared chests under black leather jackets with spiky thingies and chains all over, synchronized guitar movements, synchronized head-banging, close-ups of the singer with an angry face, guitarist sticking out tongue, power plant location at night, mysterious villain with mustache and hat out to ruin all of the band's super-loud music and rebellious fun, blue lasers shooting through background smoke, close up of the singer with a painful face, wailing guitar solo, strobe-light-slo-mo, the lead singer using his spiky wristbands and high-pitched rock 'n' roll scream to unleash the power of music to--
Oh, I can't give it away. It's too delicious of a moment to put a spoiler in here. You need to watch the video now to get the full effect of the moment. But I will advise you to pay close attention after the 3:35 mark, because something's going to happen that you don't want to miss!
Ahhhhh, COMIN' DOWN!
Oh, yeah! Now THAT'S some 80s metal!
Judas Priest scored a #62 spot on the HondoJoe 200 with "United" because of the ability of the band to get young teenage boys pumped up and ready for battle. In this list, they come in at #130 with "You've Got Another Thing Comin'." I didn't listen to this group growing up, although I did enjoy this song. I have no memories that I can associate with this song in adulthood either.
Then why, you may ask, is this song on the list? Well, Gregg, it's on the list because (a) I always listen to it when it comes on the radio without even the thought of turning to another song, (b) it gets me pumped up and makes me want to exact revenge upon all my enemies (which includes you, Gregg, for questioning my choice of songs on this list) and (c) the video is incredibly entertaining. In fact, I think this video may be one of the best to ever come out of the early years of MTV. It's got everything an 80s heavy metal video should have--big hair, driving power-chords, pounding drums with lots of cymbal crashes, lyrics half-sung/half-screamed, bared chests under black leather jackets with spiky thingies and chains all over, synchronized guitar movements, synchronized head-banging, close-ups of the singer with an angry face, guitarist sticking out tongue, power plant location at night, mysterious villain with mustache and hat out to ruin all of the band's super-loud music and rebellious fun, blue lasers shooting through background smoke, close up of the singer with a painful face, wailing guitar solo, strobe-light-slo-mo, the lead singer using his spiky wristbands and high-pitched rock 'n' roll scream to unleash the power of music to--
Oh, I can't give it away. It's too delicious of a moment to put a spoiler in here. You need to watch the video now to get the full effect of the moment. But I will advise you to pay close attention after the 3:35 mark, because something's going to happen that you don't want to miss!
Ahhhhh, COMIN' DOWN!
Oh, yeah! Now THAT'S some 80s metal!
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