27. Sheldon's Prescient Crotch Strikes

27. "Synchronicity II" by The Police

If for no other reason, this song would have made my top 200 list simply for the following line:

"And every single meeting with his so-called superior is a humiliating kick in the crotch!"

But this song also has a crazy granny, Rice Krispies, slime at the bottom of a dark Scottish lake, picket lines, cheap tarts, something crawling to the surface of a dark Scottish loch, lemmings, suicidal rush hour traffic, and a henpecked husband with aching eyeballs.

Name one other song that combines crotch kicking with all THAT. The only way this song could be better lyrically is if it included a reference to cheese and/or pudding and/or cheese pudding.


The album from which this song came was titled "Synchronicity," and it was a chart-dominating monster that included "Every Breath You Take," "King of Pain," and "Wrapped Around Your Finger"--all charting much higher than "Synchronicity II." But I think "Synchronicity II" is a better song than all of them. Why? Because none of them have anything to do with crotch kicking. And you would think that a song titled "King of Pain" would have crotch kicking as the main focus of the lyrics. But nope, it's about a little black spot on the sun instead of large black bruise on the nards.

To be fair, those other songs would have rated higher on my top 200 list back during my senior year in high school. But as I've aged, I've come to have a deep emotional connection to "Synchronicity II" that I don't have with the other songs on the album. While all those other songs rated higher on the Billboard charts back in the day, they don't even get a spot on my current top 200 list, because even though I experience more actual strikes to my crotch during high school (Thanks, Sheldon!), since that time I've had a LOT of meetings with so-called superiors that were, emotionally speaking, humiliating kicks in the crotch. So I know the painful truth that Sting sings about in this song, and I know why there's a shadow on the door...of a cottage on the shore...of a dark Scottish lake...many miles away.