130. Part B: "Breakin' the Law" by Judas Priest
After publishing the entry for song #130, I received a challenge from HondoJoe to name any other Judas Priest song besides "United" and "You've Got Another Thing Comin'." Apparently, my inclusion of heavy metal songs is a bit surprising, as I didn't seem to listen to a lot of heavy metal as a teenager.
Let me set the record straight.
During my childhood and early teenage years, the church leaders in the stake and ward made it quite clear that heavy metal was the devil's music. I believe they said this in part because the music was loud and harsh, unlike the rock 'n' roll they had listened to in the 50s and 60s. Of course, it didn't help that the lyrics actually referenced the devil and his evil domain (Inkom). "Good music" was defined as classical music and anything you could sing in church. Consequently, listening to heavy metal meant you were openly and purposefully rebelling against the Almighty Ruler of the Universe and/or Kathryn Payne.
Memories of heavy metal music in my early teenage years are few. Because it was not endorsed by the God/Payne-fearing people of our farming community, I had a negative opinion of heavy metal. I remember thinking it was a bit of a secret scandal among us kids that the Bellon boys liked listening to KISS, since his father was in the bishopric in one calling or another throughout my youth.
Also, I remember Sam Gunter listened to Blue Öyster Cult in his car outside the church after mutual. I walked away from it, not wanting to hear such evil music.
And in 1981, the movie Heavy Metal premiered--a movie that I did not see then because of its R rating and have not seen since because I'm not a fan of R-rated cartoons. Cartoons aren't supposed to involve people in profane, raunchy, and violent conflicts with each other. Cartoons are supposed to be clean, chaste, and violent conflicts between a rabbit and a duck, a rabbit and a bull, a rabbit and a tasmanian devil, a rabbit and a pig with a speech impediment, a rabbit and a hunter with a speech impediment, a rabbit and a witch with a hairpin impediment, a rabbit and a martian with a ray-gun impediment, a roadrunner and a coyote, a sheepdog and a coyote, a bird and a cat, a mouse and the same cat, a completely different cat and a skunk, a rooster and a chickenhawk, and a rabbit and the roughest, toughest, rootin'est, shootin'est claim-jumper that ever jumped a claim! However, even though the Heavy Metal the cartoon did not interest me, as I advanced into my middle teens, I couldn't resist the movie's invitation to take a ride on heavy metal.
By the time I turned 16, I had mostly changed my mind about heavy metal. I didn't like the really hard stuff, but if they played it on the radio, I'd listen to it.
What brought about such a sharp turn in my attitude towards the music? It was a stake youth fireside.
Sometime in 1981 or 1982, the stake brought in a guest speaker came to talk to all us younguns about the evils of rock music. I remember at the beginning of the talk he explained how rock songs would lead us straight to hell with their insidious lyrics. I thought to myself that he must be talking about heavy metal bands like KISS, Blue Öyster Cult, Black Sabbath, Judas Priest, AC/DC, Iron Maiden, Nazareth, or maybe Van Halen. But when it came time to provide a real-life example of rock 'n' roll damnation, the speaker didn't chose any of these heavy metal groups as the epitome of evil music. Instead, he started bashing the song "Only the Good Die Young" by Billy Joel. Being a huge fan of Billy Joel, I decided at that very moment that on matters related to music the speaker and all of the other ecclesiastical leaders of the community were simply full of shit. That's when I gave myself permission to start listening to heavy metal songs.
I wasn't what you would call a consumer of heavy metal. I didn't buy any heavy metal albums. And I didn't wear any t-shirts with heavy metal bands on them. I also didn't have any posters up in my room featuring anyone dressed in studded leather. But I would listen to the songs on the radio, and I found that I liked quite a few of them. Cousin Randy liked a lot of heavy metal. He was a big Van Halen fan, and I came to like their music too (until Diamond Dave left the band). As far as I can remember, my friends weren't into heavy metal, unless you count Meatloaf as a heavy metal artist. (Heavy? Yes. Metal? Maybe.) So my buddies and I didn't listen to a lot of heavy metal while we were hanging out. But since I spent a lot of time in my youth listening to the rock 'n' roll radio stations while driving the tractor and truck, I heard plenty of heavy metal songs that I liked. And the music television had some interesting videos by heavy metal bands. Among them was Judas Priest's "Breaking the Law."
Hey! Do you like music videos in which three guys dressed in black leather--one of whom is wearing a pilgrim hat--rob a bank using their ultra-loud guitars as both weapons and safe-cracking devices? Then you're in for a real treat!
This video is chock-a-block full of heavy metal wonder. And by that I mean I wonder what the hell is going on?!
Questions abound.
Why are they driving on the right side of the road when they pull up to the bank in the getaway car? It's England! Aren't they suppose to drive on the left side of the road?
If they're in England, shouldn't the steering wheel be on the right side of the car, not the left?
And why are they driving a convertible for a getaway car anyway? Wouldn't bank robbers want a car with a roof and tinted windows that conceal their identity and provide some protection against flying bullets?
What bank would keep their security guard out of the waiting area and instead put him in a separate room where he spends his time reading Penthouse magazine and taking naps?
How did the flowers that the blonde dude knocked over get back onto the counter? All of the people in the bank had both hands either up in the air or clamped over their ears. Do they have bouncing flowers in England?
Where does Ian Fitzgerald buy his glasses? And under the English health care system does he get free replacement lenses if they get shattered by loud music?
How the hell did the drummer suddenly appear with a full drum set in the middle of the bank?! We didn't see anyone enter the bank carrying drum equipment!
How the hell did that bearded bass guitarist suddenly appear? Only two guitarists came into the bank with the lead singer--the blonde one and the one with the red pants. Does the beard give the bass guitarist the power of teleportation?! And when he appears, does anyone detect the faint smell of burning brimstone?
What is that thing that keeps appearing and disappearing on the back counter by the guitarist? Is it a plant in a macrame holder? Or is it a video camera on a tripod?
Who is Sue Cuss? And why do I think her bangs look cute?
What happened to all the glass panes in the glass wall above the counter? Some of the glass is still there, but the robbers are able to easily step through the deglassed parts of the wall. The band didn't shatter the glass with their guitars or music. Why wouldn't the bank have ALL of the glass panes installed to keep the tellers safe from bank robbers and/or rampaging rock bands?
What power chord do you play to open a combination lock on a door to a bank vault?
Why would a band need to break into a bank to steal a gold record that was theirs in the first place? And why would the bars inside the vault need to be bent when the record is within arm's reach and both arms and gold record could easily slip through the unbent bars?
How are they able to blow up a security camera with their guitars?!
Why can we still see the waiting area on the security monitor after the band has blown up the security camera with their guitars?
Why does the bank's security guard have a fake wooden guitar by his desk instead of a real metal gun?
Why does the band leave the drum set inside the bank after the heist? Won't the police be able to trace the drum set back to them?
Who is driving the getaway car at the end of the video? We see six people in the car, but only five were involved in the heist. There are three guitarists and the drummer in the back seat, and the lead singer is standing on the passenger side of the car (which should really be the driver's side in England). Does the beard give the bass guitarist the power to teleport other people with his mind?
At the beginning of the video (0:26), we see the car on its way to the heist going down the highway towards two multi-story buildings. Then at the end of the video (2:35), we see the same car going down the exact same stretch of highway towards those same two multi-story buildings. Shouldn't they be fleeing the scene of the crime, not driving back towards it? Or are they going back to get the drum set?
This video is a magical mystery tour that may never be solved. I don't know if the real crime being depicted in the video is bank robbery or a total disregard of cinematic continuity. However, this is the song that meets HondoJoe's heavy metal challenge. It's the only other Judas Priest song I can name from memory besides "You've Got Another Thing Comin'." But you can count on hearing a few more heavy metal songs before we reach #1 on this top 200 list. Yes we'll continue to take this ride on heavy metal! But it won't be in a convertible, Payne willing!
Sunday, April 9, 2017
Thursday, April 6, 2017
130. Here's Where the Talkin' Ends
130. "You've Got Another Thing Comin'" by Judas Priest
Judas Priest scored a #62 spot on the HondoJoe 200 with "United" because of the ability of the band to get young teenage boys pumped up and ready for battle. In this list, they come in at #130 with "You've Got Another Thing Comin'." I didn't listen to this group growing up, although I did enjoy this song. I have no memories that I can associate with this song in adulthood either.
Then why, you may ask, is this song on the list? Well, Gregg, it's on the list because (a) I always listen to it when it comes on the radio without even the thought of turning to another song, (b) it gets me pumped up and makes me want to exact revenge upon all my enemies (which includes you, Gregg, for questioning my choice of songs on this list) and (c) the video is incredibly entertaining. In fact, I think this video may be one of the best to ever come out of the early years of MTV. It's got everything an 80s heavy metal video should have--big hair, driving power-chords, pounding drums with lots of cymbal crashes, lyrics half-sung/half-screamed, bared chests under black leather jackets with spiky thingies and chains all over, synchronized guitar movements, synchronized head-banging, close-ups of the singer with an angry face, guitarist sticking out tongue, power plant location at night, mysterious villain with mustache and hat out to ruin all of the band's super-loud music and rebellious fun, blue lasers shooting through background smoke, close up of the singer with a painful face, wailing guitar solo, strobe-light-slo-mo, the lead singer using his spiky wristbands and high-pitched rock 'n' roll scream to unleash the power of music to--
Oh, I can't give it away. It's too delicious of a moment to put a spoiler in here. You need to watch the video now to get the full effect of the moment. But I will advise you to pay close attention after the 3:35 mark, because something's going to happen that you don't want to miss!
Ahhhhh, COMIN' DOWN!
Oh, yeah! Now THAT'S some 80s metal!
Judas Priest scored a #62 spot on the HondoJoe 200 with "United" because of the ability of the band to get young teenage boys pumped up and ready for battle. In this list, they come in at #130 with "You've Got Another Thing Comin'." I didn't listen to this group growing up, although I did enjoy this song. I have no memories that I can associate with this song in adulthood either.
Then why, you may ask, is this song on the list? Well, Gregg, it's on the list because (a) I always listen to it when it comes on the radio without even the thought of turning to another song, (b) it gets me pumped up and makes me want to exact revenge upon all my enemies (which includes you, Gregg, for questioning my choice of songs on this list) and (c) the video is incredibly entertaining. In fact, I think this video may be one of the best to ever come out of the early years of MTV. It's got everything an 80s heavy metal video should have--big hair, driving power-chords, pounding drums with lots of cymbal crashes, lyrics half-sung/half-screamed, bared chests under black leather jackets with spiky thingies and chains all over, synchronized guitar movements, synchronized head-banging, close-ups of the singer with an angry face, guitarist sticking out tongue, power plant location at night, mysterious villain with mustache and hat out to ruin all of the band's super-loud music and rebellious fun, blue lasers shooting through background smoke, close up of the singer with a painful face, wailing guitar solo, strobe-light-slo-mo, the lead singer using his spiky wristbands and high-pitched rock 'n' roll scream to unleash the power of music to--
Oh, I can't give it away. It's too delicious of a moment to put a spoiler in here. You need to watch the video now to get the full effect of the moment. But I will advise you to pay close attention after the 3:35 mark, because something's going to happen that you don't want to miss!
Ahhhhh, COMIN' DOWN!
Oh, yeah! Now THAT'S some 80s metal!
Wednesday, April 5, 2017
131. She Likes the Boys in the Band
131. "I Want You To Want Me" by Cheap Trick
In the write-up for song #190, I talked about how that song was part of a movie script about a man who travels back in time using music. The song "I Want You To Want Me" is part of a different movie script idea.
I've had in my head for a number of years a story about a group of five high school nerds/misfits that have a miserable 9th and 10th grade experience--mocked by the cool kids, bullied by the jocks, ignored by the hot chicks, and belittled by one group of preps that also have their own rock band that has won the school's battle of the bands competition for the last three years. The boys get together on the last day of school and commit to do something drastic during the summer to not have the same thing happen in 11th grade. (Yes, I know it's an old idea that's been beat to death in movies for decades, but I still like it, and I bet you it'd make money if anyone ever made the movie.)
Two of the boys are in the school's guitar class, where their teacher makes them play classical pieces that none of the kids like. One of these guitarist is really into Cheap Trick, and idolizes Rick Nielsen, the lead guitar for Cheap Trick. Two other boys play in the percussion section of the school's orchestra, and their music teacher makes them play pieces they don't like either. These two also share all of the rest of their school classes, including advanced chemistry. The fifth kid is in the school choir because his mother makes him. The choir sings modern songs that all the kids like. However, this boy is assigned to sing harmony parts and never gets to solo or sing the melodies. He's always in the background, never up front.
On the last day of school, these kids get together at lunch and talk about what a rotten year they had and how they don't think they can take another three years of it all. They fantasize about what they want the next year to be like--they're popular, they aren't bullied anymore, and they get the chicks. Then they start talking about what they'd have to do to make that happen. Among the other ideas, one of them suggests that they form a rock band, but the idea gets shot down by the boy in the choir.
The first day of summer, the singer finds out that his mother is going to Europe with her new boyfriend. He's excited to go with them, but then is crushed when he finds out that they aren't taking him but rather leaving him with the mother's weird old uncle for the summer. The uncle lives on an old dilapidated farm inside the city limits that's been surrounded by suburban housing projects. The uncle is under a lot of pressure from the city government and some developers to sell the farm or have it taken away for failure to pay back-taxes. (A Duke's of Hazard plot that never gets old!)
The boy invites his other four friends to come over to the uncle's house to play some video games, but the kid who was supposed to bring the game console forgot it. They start arguing about whether or not to go back on the city bus to get the console, and the uncle hears them. He tells them he's got some old video games that they can play, and when they investigate it, he's got an old copy of Guitar Hero along with all the instruments for the game. The two guitar players freak out and start playing the game with "I Wanna Be Sedated" as the song. One of the percussionists hops on the drum set, while the other gets on the keyboards. The singer watches and laughs while they rock out to the song. The uncle watches them from the doorway. Afterwards, he claps and tells them they ought to form a band. The singer says no, but the others are enthusiastic about the idea now. The uncle tells them he used to be in a band back in the 70s, and he still has all the band's equipment stored out in the barn. He takes them out and shows them the equipment, and they put it all together and start jamming. The singer doesn't want to participate, but the others have a great time, and they ask if they can come back the next day to play some more. The uncle says yes before the singer can shut the idea down.
The kids practice over then next few weeks and begin to plot how they can win the high school's battle-of-the-bands competition at the beginning of the school year. The weird uncle has some of his former bandmates over one day, and they all teach the boys how to rock it pre-MTV style. They say how back before MTV started up, it didn't matter how you looked, as long as you were good at playing and singing, you had a chance. But these guys are all pretty ugly, so music videos killed their careers. Still, they talk about how the last time they played they put on a show with lights and pyrotechnics that really rocked.
The next day, the chemists bring over their chemistry set and start experimenting with the pyrotechnics, and they end up blowing up all sorts of things on the farm. The boys continue to practice throughout the summer and have more and more fun on the farm doing all sorts of crazy things, including blowing up more stuff.
The singer's mother returns from Europe without her boyfriend, and the boy moves back into his own home before school starts. At school, the boys get treated worse than before by the student-body when it is revealed that they have signed up for the battle of the bands. But they still decide to go ahead with the battle, since they have nothing to lose at this point.
The competition has a bunch of bands in it, and we see the preps' band do very well with their song. When it's the boys' turn, they get off to a great start with their song--"School's Out" by Alice Cooper. They chose the song because they thought they'd get the other students to support them if they sang about how they hate school. Their performance gets the attention of the girlfriend of the lead singer in the prep band. She appreciates music and people with the talent to play it well. That's what attracts her to the lead singer for the preps. But halfway through the song, the boys' equipment gets sabotaged, and they start to sound horrible. They get booed off the stage and don't even place in the competition.
The boys continue to have a terrible time at school over the next few weeks, but then it is discovered by the prep's girlfriend that the boys' performance was sabotaged by preps. She is outraged by this and publicly denounces her boyfriend, who defends himself by saying that if the boys want a rematch, he'll give it to them. The guitarist that idolizes Rick Nielsen eagerly accepts the rematch--to the chagrin of the singer--but they say the rematch has to take place on their turf, not the school grounds where the preps have the advantage. Also, the girlfriend has to be the referee for the competition. The preps agree to these conditions.
For the next two weeks, the boys get the farm set up as the site for the competition. The drummer/chemists set up pyrotechnics and also explain how they plan to use the explosions to disperse a synthetic phermone that they believe will make the girls go wild for them.
The singer insists that they charge admission, hoping that no one will show up if they have to pay to see the battle. So they also have to fix up some of the fence on the farm and block some of the gates with hay bales. A pyrotechnic test goes awry, and they accidentally blow out the back of the barn. The uncle laughs it off and suggests they use the open back of the barn as the stage for the show. He gets his old bandmates to come and help them repair/build the stage, put up the lights, and set up the equipment for the show. They also set up booths to sell food, drinks, and concert t-shirts.
The competition is set up so each band gets to play three songs. At the end of each song, an applause meter reads the noise level to determine how loud the crowd is cheering. The winner is the one with the highest average applause level of the three songs.
The competition begins with the preps playing a song that rocks pretty hard. They get a really good cheer from the audience, which is disheartening to the boys, as they see the crowd is definitely in support of the preps' band. They are sure they're going to lose, but they are determined to play anyway just to show the rest of the school that they won't go down without a fight.
The boys begin by playing School's Out--the same song they played in the previous competition. Like before, they do well at the beginning of the song, but their equipment is so old that something goes wrong in the middle of the song--just like it did during the first competition. Even though they didn't finish the song, the girlfriend still insists that the crowd do the applause-meter reading at the end, and to their surprise, the boys get more applause than they thought they would.
The boys have to fix the equipment while the preps sing their second song, which rocks harder than their first. The applause is pretty loud, so it is all but certain they will win this competition.
The boys are unable to fix one piece of equipment that is central to the second song, so they make a last second change to play a different song, one that they haven't rehearsed for a while, but one the Rick Nielsen wannabe guitarist really wants to play it because he thinks he can rock it better than any other song. And that song is "I Want You To Want Me."
At the beginning of the song, the singer yells out "I want you to want me!" which is followed by a huge pyrotechnic explosion that sprays out a massive dose of phermones into the air. As the band plays the opening verse, all of the girls in the crowd start sniffing and breathing in deeply with looks confusion and then pleasure on their faces. Then they all begin to focus on the band and start smiling and moving with the beat like they are getting into the song, with some of them repeating the first "cryin', cryin', cryin'" chorus. By the second chorus, they are all screaming wildly "cryin', cryin', cryin'" and look like they have fallen in love with the band, even rushing the stage and reaching up to try to touch the boys as they play. The girls are in an absolute frenzy by the end of the song. The girlfriend checks the applause meter, and it goes way above what the other band got. The girls love the boys so much that they won't even let the preps get on stage to play the third song. Instead, they all demand that the boys continue to play.
The preps object to this, claiming that the contest isn't over, and they start to pick a fight with the boys. The boy singer stands up to the lead singer of the preps, who ends up punching the boy in the face. His lip swells up and bleeds.
This attack infuriates the prep's former girlfriend, and she storms out onto the stage to kick the guy in the nuts. Two of the other guys in the preps' band rush at her, but the Rick Nielsen wannabe guitarist bashes his guitar over their heads, knocking them out and destroying the guitar. The audience goes silent in shock at seeing this, but then erupts in a cheer. The rest of the preps drag the others off the stage.
The audience demands another song from the group, but the boy can't sing anymore with his fat lip, so the Rick Nielsen guitarist calls out a song to the rest of the band, steps up to the mike, and starts singing an over-the-top version of "If You Want My Love." The girls go crazy over this song, with some even swooning. The boy and the prep's old girlfriend watch from the side and laugh at the performance. The girl looks like she wants to move in for a kiss, but his hurt lip keeps her from sealing the deal. Then, in the middle of the song, the cops show up. They stop the show and everyone goes home.
Because of the money they got from the concert, the uncle is able to pay his back-taxes and fix up the barn as a place for outdoor concerts. The Farm becomes the hottest place in town for bands to play.
Back at school, the boys in the band still are not really accepted into any of the other groups in school, but at least now they aren't mocked, bullied, ignored, or belittled. They've earned some respect, and more than a few girls wearing the concert t-shirts give the boys a flirty smile when they walk by. Still, it's apparent they haven't got any girlfriends yet. The prep's old girlfriend doesn't fall in love with the boy singer either. Instead, she becomes the band's manager, which we see in the final scene of the movie when they are all at the farm rehearsing for an upcoming concert.
Okay. That's pretty much it. The story is basically one big set up for the boys to play "I Want You To Want Me" as the climax of the movie. And that's the story that goes through my mind every time I hear the song on the radio and the girls start shouting "cryin', cryin', cryin'!" It's that sound of all those Japanese girls screaming that makes the live version of the song so electrifying. And that's the inspiration for this whole high school movie idea. One of the reasons I associate this song with the movie idea is that I think it does a perfect job of expressing the way I felt in high school about those girls that I was attracted to. I wanted them to want me. I wanted them to need me. And I would have loved them to love me. Unfortunately, I never did see them cryin', cryin', cryin'.
In the write-up for song #190, I talked about how that song was part of a movie script about a man who travels back in time using music. The song "I Want You To Want Me" is part of a different movie script idea.
I've had in my head for a number of years a story about a group of five high school nerds/misfits that have a miserable 9th and 10th grade experience--mocked by the cool kids, bullied by the jocks, ignored by the hot chicks, and belittled by one group of preps that also have their own rock band that has won the school's battle of the bands competition for the last three years. The boys get together on the last day of school and commit to do something drastic during the summer to not have the same thing happen in 11th grade. (Yes, I know it's an old idea that's been beat to death in movies for decades, but I still like it, and I bet you it'd make money if anyone ever made the movie.)
Two of the boys are in the school's guitar class, where their teacher makes them play classical pieces that none of the kids like. One of these guitarist is really into Cheap Trick, and idolizes Rick Nielsen, the lead guitar for Cheap Trick. Two other boys play in the percussion section of the school's orchestra, and their music teacher makes them play pieces they don't like either. These two also share all of the rest of their school classes, including advanced chemistry. The fifth kid is in the school choir because his mother makes him. The choir sings modern songs that all the kids like. However, this boy is assigned to sing harmony parts and never gets to solo or sing the melodies. He's always in the background, never up front.
On the last day of school, these kids get together at lunch and talk about what a rotten year they had and how they don't think they can take another three years of it all. They fantasize about what they want the next year to be like--they're popular, they aren't bullied anymore, and they get the chicks. Then they start talking about what they'd have to do to make that happen. Among the other ideas, one of them suggests that they form a rock band, but the idea gets shot down by the boy in the choir.
The first day of summer, the singer finds out that his mother is going to Europe with her new boyfriend. He's excited to go with them, but then is crushed when he finds out that they aren't taking him but rather leaving him with the mother's weird old uncle for the summer. The uncle lives on an old dilapidated farm inside the city limits that's been surrounded by suburban housing projects. The uncle is under a lot of pressure from the city government and some developers to sell the farm or have it taken away for failure to pay back-taxes. (A Duke's of Hazard plot that never gets old!)
The boy invites his other four friends to come over to the uncle's house to play some video games, but the kid who was supposed to bring the game console forgot it. They start arguing about whether or not to go back on the city bus to get the console, and the uncle hears them. He tells them he's got some old video games that they can play, and when they investigate it, he's got an old copy of Guitar Hero along with all the instruments for the game. The two guitar players freak out and start playing the game with "I Wanna Be Sedated" as the song. One of the percussionists hops on the drum set, while the other gets on the keyboards. The singer watches and laughs while they rock out to the song. The uncle watches them from the doorway. Afterwards, he claps and tells them they ought to form a band. The singer says no, but the others are enthusiastic about the idea now. The uncle tells them he used to be in a band back in the 70s, and he still has all the band's equipment stored out in the barn. He takes them out and shows them the equipment, and they put it all together and start jamming. The singer doesn't want to participate, but the others have a great time, and they ask if they can come back the next day to play some more. The uncle says yes before the singer can shut the idea down.
The kids practice over then next few weeks and begin to plot how they can win the high school's battle-of-the-bands competition at the beginning of the school year. The weird uncle has some of his former bandmates over one day, and they all teach the boys how to rock it pre-MTV style. They say how back before MTV started up, it didn't matter how you looked, as long as you were good at playing and singing, you had a chance. But these guys are all pretty ugly, so music videos killed their careers. Still, they talk about how the last time they played they put on a show with lights and pyrotechnics that really rocked.
The next day, the chemists bring over their chemistry set and start experimenting with the pyrotechnics, and they end up blowing up all sorts of things on the farm. The boys continue to practice throughout the summer and have more and more fun on the farm doing all sorts of crazy things, including blowing up more stuff.
The singer's mother returns from Europe without her boyfriend, and the boy moves back into his own home before school starts. At school, the boys get treated worse than before by the student-body when it is revealed that they have signed up for the battle of the bands. But they still decide to go ahead with the battle, since they have nothing to lose at this point.
The competition has a bunch of bands in it, and we see the preps' band do very well with their song. When it's the boys' turn, they get off to a great start with their song--"School's Out" by Alice Cooper. They chose the song because they thought they'd get the other students to support them if they sang about how they hate school. Their performance gets the attention of the girlfriend of the lead singer in the prep band. She appreciates music and people with the talent to play it well. That's what attracts her to the lead singer for the preps. But halfway through the song, the boys' equipment gets sabotaged, and they start to sound horrible. They get booed off the stage and don't even place in the competition.
The boys continue to have a terrible time at school over the next few weeks, but then it is discovered by the prep's girlfriend that the boys' performance was sabotaged by preps. She is outraged by this and publicly denounces her boyfriend, who defends himself by saying that if the boys want a rematch, he'll give it to them. The guitarist that idolizes Rick Nielsen eagerly accepts the rematch--to the chagrin of the singer--but they say the rematch has to take place on their turf, not the school grounds where the preps have the advantage. Also, the girlfriend has to be the referee for the competition. The preps agree to these conditions.
For the next two weeks, the boys get the farm set up as the site for the competition. The drummer/chemists set up pyrotechnics and also explain how they plan to use the explosions to disperse a synthetic phermone that they believe will make the girls go wild for them.
The singer insists that they charge admission, hoping that no one will show up if they have to pay to see the battle. So they also have to fix up some of the fence on the farm and block some of the gates with hay bales. A pyrotechnic test goes awry, and they accidentally blow out the back of the barn. The uncle laughs it off and suggests they use the open back of the barn as the stage for the show. He gets his old bandmates to come and help them repair/build the stage, put up the lights, and set up the equipment for the show. They also set up booths to sell food, drinks, and concert t-shirts.
The competition is set up so each band gets to play three songs. At the end of each song, an applause meter reads the noise level to determine how loud the crowd is cheering. The winner is the one with the highest average applause level of the three songs.
The competition begins with the preps playing a song that rocks pretty hard. They get a really good cheer from the audience, which is disheartening to the boys, as they see the crowd is definitely in support of the preps' band. They are sure they're going to lose, but they are determined to play anyway just to show the rest of the school that they won't go down without a fight.
The boys begin by playing School's Out--the same song they played in the previous competition. Like before, they do well at the beginning of the song, but their equipment is so old that something goes wrong in the middle of the song--just like it did during the first competition. Even though they didn't finish the song, the girlfriend still insists that the crowd do the applause-meter reading at the end, and to their surprise, the boys get more applause than they thought they would.
The boys have to fix the equipment while the preps sing their second song, which rocks harder than their first. The applause is pretty loud, so it is all but certain they will win this competition.
The boys are unable to fix one piece of equipment that is central to the second song, so they make a last second change to play a different song, one that they haven't rehearsed for a while, but one the Rick Nielsen wannabe guitarist really wants to play it because he thinks he can rock it better than any other song. And that song is "I Want You To Want Me."
At the beginning of the song, the singer yells out "I want you to want me!" which is followed by a huge pyrotechnic explosion that sprays out a massive dose of phermones into the air. As the band plays the opening verse, all of the girls in the crowd start sniffing and breathing in deeply with looks confusion and then pleasure on their faces. Then they all begin to focus on the band and start smiling and moving with the beat like they are getting into the song, with some of them repeating the first "cryin', cryin', cryin'" chorus. By the second chorus, they are all screaming wildly "cryin', cryin', cryin'" and look like they have fallen in love with the band, even rushing the stage and reaching up to try to touch the boys as they play. The girls are in an absolute frenzy by the end of the song. The girlfriend checks the applause meter, and it goes way above what the other band got. The girls love the boys so much that they won't even let the preps get on stage to play the third song. Instead, they all demand that the boys continue to play.
The preps object to this, claiming that the contest isn't over, and they start to pick a fight with the boys. The boy singer stands up to the lead singer of the preps, who ends up punching the boy in the face. His lip swells up and bleeds.
This attack infuriates the prep's former girlfriend, and she storms out onto the stage to kick the guy in the nuts. Two of the other guys in the preps' band rush at her, but the Rick Nielsen wannabe guitarist bashes his guitar over their heads, knocking them out and destroying the guitar. The audience goes silent in shock at seeing this, but then erupts in a cheer. The rest of the preps drag the others off the stage.
The audience demands another song from the group, but the boy can't sing anymore with his fat lip, so the Rick Nielsen guitarist calls out a song to the rest of the band, steps up to the mike, and starts singing an over-the-top version of "If You Want My Love." The girls go crazy over this song, with some even swooning. The boy and the prep's old girlfriend watch from the side and laugh at the performance. The girl looks like she wants to move in for a kiss, but his hurt lip keeps her from sealing the deal. Then, in the middle of the song, the cops show up. They stop the show and everyone goes home.
Because of the money they got from the concert, the uncle is able to pay his back-taxes and fix up the barn as a place for outdoor concerts. The Farm becomes the hottest place in town for bands to play.
Back at school, the boys in the band still are not really accepted into any of the other groups in school, but at least now they aren't mocked, bullied, ignored, or belittled. They've earned some respect, and more than a few girls wearing the concert t-shirts give the boys a flirty smile when they walk by. Still, it's apparent they haven't got any girlfriends yet. The prep's old girlfriend doesn't fall in love with the boy singer either. Instead, she becomes the band's manager, which we see in the final scene of the movie when they are all at the farm rehearsing for an upcoming concert.
Okay. That's pretty much it. The story is basically one big set up for the boys to play "I Want You To Want Me" as the climax of the movie. And that's the story that goes through my mind every time I hear the song on the radio and the girls start shouting "cryin', cryin', cryin'!" It's that sound of all those Japanese girls screaming that makes the live version of the song so electrifying. And that's the inspiration for this whole high school movie idea. One of the reasons I associate this song with the movie idea is that I think it does a perfect job of expressing the way I felt in high school about those girls that I was attracted to. I wanted them to want me. I wanted them to need me. And I would have loved them to love me. Unfortunately, I never did see them cryin', cryin', cryin'.
Tuesday, April 4, 2017
132. The one time you're grateful to be in the back row of the concert
132. "Jailbreak" by AC/DC
During my last six months of employment at Boise State, I reached a point where I really hated going into work. The bosses had taken their crazy-making to an intolerable level for me. The only way I got through the day was by listening to music while I did my work. And the song I listened to over and over during those six months was "Jailbreak." But it wasn't just one version of the song I listened to. If I needed a quick Jailbreak fix, I listened to the short 4-minute version from AC/DC's early years when Bon Scott sang it outside with an open shirt blowing in the wind. (Nice missing tooth, Bon. THANKS!)
I also listened to the long 19-minute concert version in which Angus does his whole audience participation and strip tease bit--a part of every AC/DC concert that sends all of the hard core fans into fits of ecstasy, because getting mooned by Angus is an honor and a privilege, unless you're standing in the first ten rows, in which case it's a jolting and horrifying psychological shock to see that much sweaty Australian ass up close and personal.
And sometimes, but not often, I listened to the medium 11-minute version because the short version was too short, and the long version was too long, but the medium version was just medium.
On my last day of work at Boise State, "Jailbreak" was the last song I listened to before I shut down my computer and walked out the door with a few of my colleagues to walk the Boise Green Belt, where I jumped from a bridge into the Boise River. Why? Because if there's one thing I've learned from Hollywood, it's that all successful jailbreaks involve a desperate escape down a river to throw off the hounds. And maybe that's why Angus strips down for the song--to get ready for the swim. It's either for that or to get ready for the blackmailed veterinarian to extract the bullet in his...BACK!
JAAAAAIILLL-BREAK-ah!
During my last six months of employment at Boise State, I reached a point where I really hated going into work. The bosses had taken their crazy-making to an intolerable level for me. The only way I got through the day was by listening to music while I did my work. And the song I listened to over and over during those six months was "Jailbreak." But it wasn't just one version of the song I listened to. If I needed a quick Jailbreak fix, I listened to the short 4-minute version from AC/DC's early years when Bon Scott sang it outside with an open shirt blowing in the wind. (Nice missing tooth, Bon. THANKS!)
I also listened to the long 19-minute concert version in which Angus does his whole audience participation and strip tease bit--a part of every AC/DC concert that sends all of the hard core fans into fits of ecstasy, because getting mooned by Angus is an honor and a privilege, unless you're standing in the first ten rows, in which case it's a jolting and horrifying psychological shock to see that much sweaty Australian ass up close and personal.
And sometimes, but not often, I listened to the medium 11-minute version because the short version was too short, and the long version was too long, but the medium version was just medium.
On my last day of work at Boise State, "Jailbreak" was the last song I listened to before I shut down my computer and walked out the door with a few of my colleagues to walk the Boise Green Belt, where I jumped from a bridge into the Boise River. Why? Because if there's one thing I've learned from Hollywood, it's that all successful jailbreaks involve a desperate escape down a river to throw off the hounds. And maybe that's why Angus strips down for the song--to get ready for the swim. It's either for that or to get ready for the blackmailed veterinarian to extract the bullet in his...BACK!
JAAAAAIILLL-BREAK-ah!
Monday, April 3, 2017
133. TV Dinners
133. "Found a Job" by Talking Heads
I absolutely love the way this song blasts out of the gate. No countdown. No drum or bass lead in. No opening chords. There is not a single second of music over which a DJ can talk. It simply goes from zero to sixty on the first note, beginning with the line "Damn that television!"
I also love the story in this song about two people that get so fed up with nothing being on TV that they start making their own shows. They have so much fun doing it, they save their relationship that was previously in jeopardy because of their fighting over the TV.
Of course, younguns today might think it ridiculous for people to fight over television shows because they can watch any show they want anytime they want on the telephone/television/computer they carry in their pocket. But in my youth, if you wanted to watch a TV show and some other member of the family wanted to watch something on the other channel, a fight would always break out. We had only one television in the living room, so that's where I remember most of the fights I had with my siblings. But even after we got a second television in our house in the "new room"--a converted attached garage--we still had arguments about who would watch what show. (Dad came home one day to find that Mom had purchased a new television and had it set up in the kitchen. He got upset and berated her loudly saying, "Roberta! Why did you go buy another television?! We've already got two!" Mom's response was, "Oh, Earl! It's a microwave oven!")
Back when this song first came out in 1978, the idea that someone could make their own TV show was delightfully absurd. We had ABC, NBC, CBS, and PBS, and nobody but nobody was going to get on TV without dealing with one of those networks! And there were no video cameras or VCR recorders to record a show for later viewing. We either watched it live, or we didn't see it at all.
Today, anybody on the planet can make all the shows they want and let the whole world watch them on their very own free YouTube channel. In fact, the networks now publish their shows on YouTube because for some shows they can get more views on YouTube than they can on their television network. Consequently, this song is more relevant to our society today than it was nearly 40 years ago when it first came out.
Besides the opening and the story, I also love this song for two lines that come toward the end of it:
So think about this little scene; apply it to your life.
If your work isn't what you love, then something isn't right.
I've had jobs where I felt utterly miserable, so I can attest to the fact that the Talking Heads are telling the truth when they say that if you don't love your work, something isn't right. And it is because of that piece of sage advice that this song makes it into my Top 200 list.
I absolutely love the way this song blasts out of the gate. No countdown. No drum or bass lead in. No opening chords. There is not a single second of music over which a DJ can talk. It simply goes from zero to sixty on the first note, beginning with the line "Damn that television!"
I also love the story in this song about two people that get so fed up with nothing being on TV that they start making their own shows. They have so much fun doing it, they save their relationship that was previously in jeopardy because of their fighting over the TV.
Of course, younguns today might think it ridiculous for people to fight over television shows because they can watch any show they want anytime they want on the telephone/television/computer they carry in their pocket. But in my youth, if you wanted to watch a TV show and some other member of the family wanted to watch something on the other channel, a fight would always break out. We had only one television in the living room, so that's where I remember most of the fights I had with my siblings. But even after we got a second television in our house in the "new room"--a converted attached garage--we still had arguments about who would watch what show. (Dad came home one day to find that Mom had purchased a new television and had it set up in the kitchen. He got upset and berated her loudly saying, "Roberta! Why did you go buy another television?! We've already got two!" Mom's response was, "Oh, Earl! It's a microwave oven!")
Back when this song first came out in 1978, the idea that someone could make their own TV show was delightfully absurd. We had ABC, NBC, CBS, and PBS, and nobody but nobody was going to get on TV without dealing with one of those networks! And there were no video cameras or VCR recorders to record a show for later viewing. We either watched it live, or we didn't see it at all.
Today, anybody on the planet can make all the shows they want and let the whole world watch them on their very own free YouTube channel. In fact, the networks now publish their shows on YouTube because for some shows they can get more views on YouTube than they can on their television network. Consequently, this song is more relevant to our society today than it was nearly 40 years ago when it first came out.
Besides the opening and the story, I also love this song for two lines that come toward the end of it:
So think about this little scene; apply it to your life.
If your work isn't what you love, then something isn't right.
I've had jobs where I felt utterly miserable, so I can attest to the fact that the Talking Heads are telling the truth when they say that if you don't love your work, something isn't right. And it is because of that piece of sage advice that this song makes it into my Top 200 list.
134. I Have a Pony
134. "This is Ponderous" by 2nu
Ever wonder how it was that I started signing stuff with the name Nardo? It's because I heard the name Nardo on a song by 2nu called "Spaz Attack." In it, the singer/speaker opens the song with this sentence:
"I was going to this party the other night, but I didn't want anybody to recognize me, so I decided to change my name to Nardo."
Fun song, but not quite good enough to land a spot on the top 200 list. However, the song that led me to "Spaz Attack" was "This is Ponderous," and it is definitely a top 200 worthy.
Best part of the song? The squeaky shoes. Second best part of the song? The horns kicking in. Third best part of the song? The deep-voiced nonsensical chorus that the interwebs just can't figure out. If you google the lyrics for the song, the most frequently found lyrics are:
Oom papachucka maka nanu singow
Meling kapalana wani domo chingpow
Heddy kapalua cuma jenising tea
Oomama chucka pana one is now three
But if you listen to the song while reading these lyrics, you can tell that these are not even close to the right nonsense words. Come on, people! Just because it's nonsense, that doesn't mean you shouldn't try to be accurate!
Here's another version that's even more wrong.
Ooom poppa chikamaga wana sing gow
Do lomma sinnigama mana ching jow
Inimana choogamaga wana sing gee
Finimana foonimana one is now free
This one is really off too.
Oom poppa chuckamaga nauva sing gow
Ding koppawallawally double ching pow
Heavy coppalua cumma ginasing tea
Oom mama chuckamana one is now free
The REAL lyrics--the ones I've written for the benefit of all mankind--are:
Oom papa chick-a-mocka nano sin-cow
Sing kapa-lalla-wally double ching-pow
Heavy kapalua cuma gin-a-seng tea
Oom mama chuck-a-mana one is now three
How do I know these are the REAL lyrics? Because through the magic of YouTube video settings, I slowed down the video to .50 of the regular speed and listened to each syllable in slow-mo. Then, just for kicks, I listened to it at .75 speed, regular 1.00 speed, and 1.25 speed. My lyrics work at all four speeds, whereas the other lyrics crumble to dust at all four speeds. Therefore, mine are the REAL lyrics--at least until Jeff Lynne changes them.
You're welcome, Internet!
My affinity for this song is mostly due to the fact that it sounds like something that might accidentally spill out of the mind of Steven Wright, one of my favorite comedians. Of course, I know it isn't. Seven had nothing to do with this song. But that doesn't keep me from thinking of Steven Wright every time I hear it.
By the way, I remember seeing Steven Wright perform on Johnny Carson in the early eighties, and I thought he was brilliantly quirky.
Ever wonder how it was that I started signing stuff with the name Nardo? It's because I heard the name Nardo on a song by 2nu called "Spaz Attack." In it, the singer/speaker opens the song with this sentence:
"I was going to this party the other night, but I didn't want anybody to recognize me, so I decided to change my name to Nardo."
Fun song, but not quite good enough to land a spot on the top 200 list. However, the song that led me to "Spaz Attack" was "This is Ponderous," and it is definitely a top 200 worthy.
Best part of the song? The squeaky shoes. Second best part of the song? The horns kicking in. Third best part of the song? The deep-voiced nonsensical chorus that the interwebs just can't figure out. If you google the lyrics for the song, the most frequently found lyrics are:
Oom papachucka maka nanu singow
Meling kapalana wani domo chingpow
Heddy kapalua cuma jenising tea
Oomama chucka pana one is now three
But if you listen to the song while reading these lyrics, you can tell that these are not even close to the right nonsense words. Come on, people! Just because it's nonsense, that doesn't mean you shouldn't try to be accurate!
Here's another version that's even more wrong.
Ooom poppa chikamaga wana sing gow
Do lomma sinnigama mana ching jow
Inimana choogamaga wana sing gee
Finimana foonimana one is now free
This one is really off too.
Oom poppa chuckamaga nauva sing gow
Ding koppawallawally double ching pow
Heavy coppalua cumma ginasing tea
Oom mama chuckamana one is now free
The REAL lyrics--the ones I've written for the benefit of all mankind--are:
Oom papa chick-a-mocka nano sin-cow
Sing kapa-lalla-wally double ching-pow
Heavy kapalua cuma gin-a-seng tea
Oom mama chuck-a-mana one is now three
How do I know these are the REAL lyrics? Because through the magic of YouTube video settings, I slowed down the video to .50 of the regular speed and listened to each syllable in slow-mo. Then, just for kicks, I listened to it at .75 speed, regular 1.00 speed, and 1.25 speed. My lyrics work at all four speeds, whereas the other lyrics crumble to dust at all four speeds. Therefore, mine are the REAL lyrics--at least until Jeff Lynne changes them.
You're welcome, Internet!
My affinity for this song is mostly due to the fact that it sounds like something that might accidentally spill out of the mind of Steven Wright, one of my favorite comedians. Of course, I know it isn't. Seven had nothing to do with this song. But that doesn't keep me from thinking of Steven Wright every time I hear it.
By the way, I remember seeing Steven Wright perform on Johnny Carson in the early eighties, and I thought he was brilliantly quirky.
Sunday, April 2, 2017
135. Crimes and Misdemeanors
135. "Hella Good" by No Doubt
Confession time. I have weakness for a certain type of female voice. It's the voice you hear on records by Pat Benatar, Kim Wilde, Missing Persons, and The Motels. It's one of my musical guilty pleasures. And when I say "guilty" I don't mean in the sense of "Oh no, I just ate a second donut, and now I feel so guilty." I mean it in the sense of "Dammit! I think I just committed manslaughter!"
I don't know why I like it. I just do.
That's why when I heard Gwen Stefani sing for the first time, I didn't really want to like her singing. I wanted to hate it. I wanted the group to fail miserably, break up, and go away forever. But No Doubt just kept turning out more and more songs that hit the charts. I tried to ignore them. I tried to hate them. I tried to mock them. I even made up lyrics to "Don't Speak" that turn it into a song about wet poopy farts called "Don't Squeak." But when I heard the opening bass lines to "Hella Good," I had to admit that I really liked the song, and I probably liked No Doubt, and I probably liked Gwen Stefani.
In my own defense, your honor, the song was based on funk sounds like "Brick House" and "Another One Bites the Dust." It says that on Wikipedia, so it has to be true. I'm a sucker for good bass sounds, and "Hella Good" triggers that reflex to crank up the radio to feel that deep rumble that shakes the rear view mirror. So, am I guilty. Yes. However, the real question is have I been convicted of a musical crime? And to that my answer is the same as what my nephew Ryan once said in a job interview when they asked him if he'd ever been convicted of a felony. He said, "Convicted?.... No."
This song also came out during my step-aerobic and running years in grad school when I got rid of so much weight. This was one of the songs I liked to work out to, so now it's got that whole good memory thing going for it. So even though I feel humiliated to admit it, I really like this song. However, I hate the music video, so I'm not going to subject you to that horror. Instead, I'll put down that boring YouTube version that just shows the album cover. But to make it interesting, I'll also include that green-screen zebra video below it so you can watch the zebra keep on dancing while you listen. Why? Because dancing zebras are hella good!
Confession time. I have weakness for a certain type of female voice. It's the voice you hear on records by Pat Benatar, Kim Wilde, Missing Persons, and The Motels. It's one of my musical guilty pleasures. And when I say "guilty" I don't mean in the sense of "Oh no, I just ate a second donut, and now I feel so guilty." I mean it in the sense of "Dammit! I think I just committed manslaughter!"
I don't know why I like it. I just do.
That's why when I heard Gwen Stefani sing for the first time, I didn't really want to like her singing. I wanted to hate it. I wanted the group to fail miserably, break up, and go away forever. But No Doubt just kept turning out more and more songs that hit the charts. I tried to ignore them. I tried to hate them. I tried to mock them. I even made up lyrics to "Don't Speak" that turn it into a song about wet poopy farts called "Don't Squeak." But when I heard the opening bass lines to "Hella Good," I had to admit that I really liked the song, and I probably liked No Doubt, and I probably liked Gwen Stefani.
In my own defense, your honor, the song was based on funk sounds like "Brick House" and "Another One Bites the Dust." It says that on Wikipedia, so it has to be true. I'm a sucker for good bass sounds, and "Hella Good" triggers that reflex to crank up the radio to feel that deep rumble that shakes the rear view mirror. So, am I guilty. Yes. However, the real question is have I been convicted of a musical crime? And to that my answer is the same as what my nephew Ryan once said in a job interview when they asked him if he'd ever been convicted of a felony. He said, "Convicted?.... No."
This song also came out during my step-aerobic and running years in grad school when I got rid of so much weight. This was one of the songs I liked to work out to, so now it's got that whole good memory thing going for it. So even though I feel humiliated to admit it, I really like this song. However, I hate the music video, so I'm not going to subject you to that horror. Instead, I'll put down that boring YouTube version that just shows the album cover. But to make it interesting, I'll also include that green-screen zebra video below it so you can watch the zebra keep on dancing while you listen. Why? Because dancing zebras are hella good!
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