134. I Have a Pony

134. "This is Ponderous" by 2nu

Ever wonder how it was that I started signing stuff with the name Nardo? It's because I heard the name Nardo on a song by 2nu called "Spaz Attack." In it, the singer/speaker opens the song with this sentence:

"I was going to this party the other night, but I didn't want anybody to recognize me, so I decided to change my name to Nardo."



Fun song, but not quite good enough to land a spot on the top 200 list. However, the song that led me to "Spaz Attack" was "This is Ponderous," and it is definitely a top 200 worthy.




Best part of the song? The squeaky shoes. Second best part of the song? The horns kicking in. Third best part of the song? The deep-voiced nonsensical chorus that the interwebs just can't figure out. If you google the lyrics for the song, the most frequently found lyrics are:

Oom papachucka maka nanu singow
Meling kapalana wani domo chingpow
Heddy kapalua cuma jenising tea
Oomama chucka pana one is now three

But if you listen to the song while reading these lyrics, you can tell that these are not even close to the right nonsense words. Come on, people! Just because it's nonsense, that doesn't mean you shouldn't try to be accurate!

Here's another version that's even more wrong.

Ooom poppa chikamaga wana sing gow
Do lomma sinnigama mana ching jow
Inimana choogamaga wana sing gee
Finimana foonimana one is now free

This one is really off too.

Oom poppa chuckamaga nauva sing gow
Ding koppawallawally double ching pow
Heavy coppalua cumma ginasing tea
Oom mama chuckamana one is now free

The REAL lyrics--the ones I've written for the benefit of all mankind--are:

Oom papa chick-a-mocka nano sin-cow
Sing kapa-lalla-wally double ching-pow
Heavy kapalua cuma gin-a-seng tea
Oom mama chuck-a-mana one is now three

How do I know these are the REAL lyrics? Because through the magic of YouTube video settings, I slowed down the video to .50 of the regular speed and listened to each syllable in slow-mo. Then, just for kicks, I listened to it at .75 speed, regular 1.00 speed, and 1.25 speed. My lyrics work at all four speeds, whereas the other lyrics crumble to dust at all four speeds. Therefore, mine are the REAL lyrics--at least until Jeff Lynne changes them.

You're welcome, Internet!

My affinity for this song is mostly due to the fact that it sounds like something that might accidentally spill out of the mind of Steven Wright, one of my favorite comedians. Of course, I know it isn't. Seven had nothing to do with this song. But that doesn't keep me from thinking of Steven Wright every time I hear it.

By the way, I remember seeing Steven Wright perform on Johnny Carson in the early eighties, and I thought he was brilliantly quirky.