109. I find myself in an existential quandary, full of loathing and self-doubt, and wracked with the pain and isolation of my pitiful meaningless existence

109. "Albuquerque" by Weird Al

If a constitutional amendment were passed today to only allow voting for boys ages 10 and 11, they would form a single political organization called the Polka Party and elect Weird Al Yankovic as the next president of the United States. And they would also move the nation's capitol from Washington D.C. to Albuquerque. And they would play "Albuquerque" as our new national anthem at the inauguration--a song that I learned to love so very, very much by listening to it repeatedly as I wrote HTML code on web page after web page during my first grad school job at Utah State.





And in his first hundred days in office, Weird Al would carry out each and every single campaign promise made in his stump speech, which would consist of the Yoda Chant he does at the end of every live performance of "Yoda." (Click the video below and chant along!)



Now, if I'd put forth this radically stupid idea two years ago, people would have nervously chuckled at the sheer lunacy of having children elect such a strange man to stand at the helm our republic. Today, however, it sounds like a damn fine idea!

Dare to be stupid! Vote Al...buquerque!

And now here's the 2015 Yoda Chant stump speech in its entirety. Finally! A practical plan for a president's first 100 days in office that makes sense!

Yoda! Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda! Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda!

da din din da
da din din da
na tin tin na
da din din da

dit dit da
terrigada dit na giggiteeta
cut teeta guddygayna da
terrigada dit na giggiteeta
cut teeta guddygayna da
terrigada dit na giggiteeta
cut teeta guddygayna

da din din da
da din din da
na tin tin na
da din din da

Boom shaka-laka-laka
Boom shaka-laka-laka

Nyaaaaaaaaaa-ahh! PORK!

Homina!
Homina!
Homina homina homina!

Papa-ooma-mow-mow
Papa-ooma-mow-ma-mow
Pa-Papa-ooma-mow-mow
Papa-ooma-mow-ma-mow

Weeelll... doggies! (Turn head left, make neck-cracking sound)

Hey! Yaka-toka-taka-toe ee ah!
Hey! Yaka-toka-taka-toe ee ah!
Hey! Yaka-toka-taka-toe ee ah!
Hey! Yaka-toka-taka-toe ee ah!

Tahuwai la a tahuwai wai la
Ehu hene la a pili koo lua la
Pututui lu a ite toe la
Hanu lipo ita paalai

Everybody!

Tahuwai la a tahuwai wai la
Ehu hene la a pili koo lua la
Pututui lu a ite toe la
Hanu lipo ita paalai

(Oh baby)

Au we 

(Hubba-hubba-hubba!)

ta huala
(Whooo!)

Au we 

(Boing!)

ta huala

Ohhh...!

Zicke Zacke Zicke Zacke Hoi Hoi Hoi!
Zicke Zacke Zicke Zacke Hoi Hoi Hoi!

Brrr-ring-ding-ding,
Brrr-rum-bum-bum, 

Brrr-ribi-dibi-daba-daba-dum-bum-bum

Brrr-ring-ding-ding,
Brrr-rum-bum-bum, 

Brrr-ribi-dibi-daba-daba-dum!

Heh! Huh! Heh! Huh-heh-huh-heh-huh-heh

La-La-LA! NICE LADY!

Ohababa mama munigurujea
Quay Quay Ohoababa yum
Yanumoa gajerinyamo dariji guru
Koalanoiuum dho
Quay zay byoremietem
Quozi lo bundabundasi
Wandawan gajerinyamo
Serejinkuza Humbabamaka

When the crypt doors creak
And the tombstones quake
Spooks come out for a singing wake
Happy haunts materialize
And begin to vocalize
Grim grinning ghosts come out to socialize

Frère Jacques, frère Jacques,
Dormez-vous? Dormez-vous?
Sonnez les matines! Sonnez les matines!
Din, dan, don. Din, dan, don.

Crapa Pelada la fà i turtei,
ghe ne dà minga ai sò fradei.
Oh-oh-oh-oh.
I sò fradei fan la fritada.
ghe ne dan minga a Crapa Pelada.
Oh-oh-oh-o-oh!

Boom boom acka-lacka-lacka boom
Boom boom acka-lacka boom-boom

Crimpity-crimpity
Now now
Crimpity-crimpity
Ask me how
Crimpity-crimpity
Humble pie
Crimpity-crimpity
Boing
Ding
Bong-bong ting
Crimpity-crimpity
Ping-pong

Ee Po Ee (Shoo)
Ee Po Ee (Shoo)
Ee Po Ee (Shoo)
Ee Po Ee (Shoo)
Ee Po Ee (Shoo)

OO!!
Tjak tjak tjak tjak-ka
Tjak tjak tjak tjak tjak tjak tjak tjak tjak tjak

EE!!
Tjak tjak tjak tjak-ka
Tjak tjak tjak tjak tjak tjak tjak tjak tjak tjak

TJAK TJAAAK!!
Tjak tjak tjak tjak-ka
Tjak tjak tjak tjak tjak tjak tjak tjak tjak tjak
Tjak tjak tjak tjak tjak tjak tjak tjak-ka

Brrrrrrr!

cutta cutta cutta cutta
cuttyta nogayna noggy
teeta cuddadit
naw nay daw
cuttyta nogayna noggy
teeta cuddadit
naw nay daw
cuttyta nogayna noggy
teeta cuddadit
naw nay

da da cuddagudda dit
naw cuh-ta
da cuddagudda dit
naw cuh-ta
da cuddagudda dit
naw cuh-ta
da da cuddagudda dit
naw cuh-ta
da!

Yoda! Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda! Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda!

110. Resistance Is Futile!

110. "Beat It" / "Eat It" by Michael Jackson / Weird Al

I know it looks like a big, fat, stinkin' cheat to combine two songs into one spot on the list, but "Beat It" never would have become a favorite song without "Eat It" and vice versa. They go together like...like... Cherry Nibs and Peanut M&Ms! Like... Joanie and Chachi! Like... T. J. Hooker and car hoods!



Oh, Sergeant Hooker, how you inspire us with your iron grip and steely eyes! Who could possibly resist you?! Or your arrest?!

Still, I must say that the most impressive thing about the video, besides Adrian Zmed's hair (which is always the most impressive thing on TV no matter what show he's on), is the haymaker punch the guy in the orange jacket gave to the poor car owner (who to his credit held on to his precious briefcase throughout the attack). How good was that punch?! I mean, you don't even see the car owner (or his briefcase) lying on the pavement when the driver backs out of the parking spot. The orange-jacketed jacker must have knocked the car owner (and his briefcase) clear into the trees on the other side of the parking lot!

I'm also curious about how the guy in the passenger seat is able to move so quickly between sitting right next to the driver in the two-shots and then--BAMF! He's now sitting way over by the passenger door on the wide-shots. Is he the Nightcrawler?

End of T. J. Hooker digression. Onto the story!

When HondoJoe and I got into DJ-ing the school dances (HondoJoe had lots of good records!), I always liked to play "Beat It" early on in the dance because it not only had a decent dance beat, but it also had Eddie Van Halen playing the guitar on it, so most of the kiddies thought the song really rocked! The video became so popular that, to this day, if you ask people what Michael Jackson was wearing when he got stabbed to death in that knife fight, they'll say, "A red jacket with lots of zippers--duh!"




Later on in the dance I'd put on "Eat It" and listen to the first bars with glee while people instantly complained that I was playing the same song twice. Then they'd hear the fart sounds and realize they'd been fooled and were listening to "Eat It" instead. My goal was always to get a few girls to laugh at the musical joke, and it worked every time. Usually.



I also liked playing Michael Jackson's "P.Y.T." during the dances, and I'd crank the sound all the way up on the grunts during the bongo break. The first booming "UH!" was so unexpected, it would sometimes startle people to the point they'd flinch and/or jump, which made it my favorite DJ prank. Click on the P.Y.T. video below to hear the double-uhs! I can't make the sound automatically turn up, so it's up to you to max out your computer speakers to get the full "UH!" effect. And if you want a truly authentic early 1980s high-school dance experience, throw some tater tots, pepperoni pizza, ranch dressing, Brut 33 cologne, and a spritz or ten of Paris perfume on your carpet and let it soak in for a few days. Then spray it down with some Final Net aerosol to really hold in that 80s smell in a way its never been held before!



Now you'll not only get to hear what a 1982 school dance sounded like, but you'll also get to savor the distinct odor of a lunch room dance floor inhabited by pheromonally supercharged postpubescents!



Mmmmmm! It smells like...

Teen spirit!

Oh, yeah! That smell really brings back memories of those high school dances and the never-ending promise of sweet romance.

And sour rejection.

And public rebukes by angry, angry lunch ladies in black gossamer hairnets. (Honest! I didn't throw it!)

111. Say hello to my little friend!

111. "Mr. Roboto" by Styx

As a pre-1983 Styx fan, I am legally obligated to make the following two statements before any commentary on the song "Mr. Roboto."

Statement #1: Kilroy Was Here was a completely ridiculous idea for a rock-opera.

(If you disagree with this statement, then I dare you to try watching the following video without honestly thinking to yourself at any point, "This is a completely ridiculous idea for a rock-opera." It can't be done!)



There's only one good idea in this whole video--fried chicken riots!

Statement #2: Dennis DeYoung has turned into a real putz.

(If you disagree with this statement, then I dare you to read the Letters from Dennis section of his official web site without honestly thinking to yourself at any point, "Dennis DeYoung has turned into a real putz." It can't be done!)

The whole Kilroy Was Here concept album was so bad that the current members of Styx refuse to play anything from it during their concerts. Still, I can't help but love this song. But not for the reasons most people love rock songs. I love it because (a) it reminds me of junior year band tour (we played it a LOT on the bus) and (b) it is the best mock 'n' roll song I can think of.

What is mock 'n' roll you ask? Well, Gregg, it's a rock 'n' roll song with alternative lyrics that are meant to mock the song and make people laugh when you sing them. Mock 'n' roll isn't a parody, like a Weird Al song. It's the original song, but every once in a while you insert your own clever lyrics over the top of existing lyrics. Your brain has to process the original words at the same time it processes the over-lyrics, which results in momentary confusion in which the brain says, "Which word do I use--the original or the funny one?" This confusion is resolved when the brain says one of two things:

1. "Oh, that over-lyric is funnier than the original lyric! I'll pay attention to that one! Bah-ha-ha-ha-ha!"

2. "Oh, that over-lyric is so unfunny! But since Scapell sang it, its unfunnyness makes it even more hilarious! I'll pay attention to that one! Bah-ha-ha-ha-ha!"

The best mock 'n' roll over-lyrics sound like they could actually be mistaken for the real lyrics. There is nothing more satisfying to a mock-'n'-roller than hearing people sing the over-lyrics, and then, when you point out to them that those are your made-up lyrics, they get a look of shock on their faces, and it's pretty obvious they didn't know they weren't singing the correct lyrics. But the ultimate goal isn't to fool people. It's always to simply make the over-lyrics funnier than the original lyrics.

Who invented mock 'n' roll? I don't know. Why are you asking me anyway? What do I look like? A typewriter?

But if its up for a vote, I credit John Capell with its genesis. My recollection is that he was the master of mock 'n' roll in Arimo. He had the ability to come up with alternate lyrics on the spot that could make you involuntarily snort so hard that mucus would fly out your nose. I remember once, after he returned from his mission to Australia, that he cruised Arimo with HondoJoe and me, and when the Hewey Lewis (and the News) song "If This Is It" came on, he sang the following:

Over-lyric: "If it's a zit, please pop it man.   A zit   so     big  it  could cover  Japan!"
Original:    "If this is it, please let me know. If this ain't love you'd better let me know.

Classic.

Scapell had a quirky brand of mock 'n' roll that could take a song that would otherwise be ignored by members of the Arimo Mafia after it stopped playing on American Top 40--a song like "Stroke Me" by Billy Squire--and add a weird over-lyric that made zero sense but somehow turn it into a song we'd never forget.

Over-lyric: "Ro -    tate  lug    nuts! Rote!    Rote!"
Original:    "Stroke me. Stroke me. Stroke! Stroke!"

Classic.

HondoJoe--being John's younger brother--also had a particularly good ear for mock 'n' roll. He would sing these amazingly funny lines while hanging out with the Arimo Mafia, but since he was a bit shy to sing them in front of other people besides friends and family, either Scapell or I would sing them around other kids at school and take the credit for being funny. Yes, we were comic parasites. But you have to understand--the lyrics were too funny NOT to sing in public! I particularly remember a HondoJoe version of "When Smokey Sings" by ABC.

Over-lyric: "When Motley sings I hear violence. When Motley sings I destroy everything!"
Original:    "When Smokey sings I hear violins. When Smokey sings I forget everything!"

Classic.

Compared to the Capell clan, the rest of the kids in town, including me, had only minor mock 'n' roll skills. Creative word substitution came slow to me. I always had to work the over-lyrics out over a long period of time, but since it takes a long period of time to hand-milk cows, and since there's really nothing more entertaining to think about while you milk cows than mock 'n' roll lyrics, I could usually come up with something after a month of milking the cow twice a day (and once on the days I forgot to in the evening).

The mock 'n' roll version of Mr. Roboto that I sing definitely has lyrics taken from others. I'm positive I didn't come up with the idea of placing the song within the context of a robot-man complaining that he needs to take a piss really, really bad or he's going to die, and he's asking for help to find a place to actually do the deed. But if you listen to the song with that idea in mind, the original lyrics become pretty damn funny. The mock 'n' roll over-lyrics also take on a new level of funny. My favorite over-lyrics in the song are:

Spank you!
Spank you! Spank you!
I wanna spank you!
Please, spank you!
Oh-oooooooaaaah.
Yee-AAAHHHH-Aaaaaah!

For me, it is an absolute adolescent delight to sing the over-lyrics every time this song comes over the radio--which is less and less often as the years go by. And at the end of the song, I always imagine that the robot-man finally pulls down his metal pants to relieve his robo-bladder, but SURPRISE! What pops out is a smaller robot that calls himself Kilroy!

The time has come at last
(Secret, secret, I've got a secret!)
To throw away these pants!
(Secret, secret, I've got a secret!)
Now everyone can see
(Secret, secret, I've got a secret!)
Me while I take a pee!

I'm Kilroy! Kilroy! Kilroy! Kilroy.



Ah! Potty humor! Does it ever get old?

I don't stink so.

112. A close second and dead last

112.  "You Might Think" by The Cars

In March 1984, The Cars released Heartbeat City just in time for senior year band tour (Hello, Boise!) and running track (Hello again, Boise!). This song, more than any other, brings back memories of all those track meets, but especially the state track meet.

During the last three months of school, I can only recall two personal goals that I actively pursued every day. First, I wanted to beat Darin Woolstenhume, my arch-nemesis from Bear Lake High School, in the mile or two-mile race at any track meet that season. Second, I wanted to go to the state track meet in either the mile or the two-mile race. That's why I started training in February for those races by jogging the streets around Arimo or running up the Arkansas road until it got so muddy I had to turn back.

I faced the fleet-footed Woolstenhume in several races before the district track meet, but I came in a close second every time. (Curse you and your fleet feet, Woolstenhume!) At the district track meet, only the guys that that placed first, second, or third would qualify to go to state. It was a must-win situation for me if I wanted to achieve my two goals. And to get me psyched up for the race, the week before the meet, my beloved long-distance track coach gave me an extremely good pep talk. He said to me, "You're gonna pound that sass right out of him! Last time you should have won. But this time you're gonna be scary kid! You're gonna be a greasy fast Italian monster! You're gonna eat lightning! You're gonna crap thunder! We're gonna have to put ya in a cage, kid!"

Naw. I'm just kidding. We didn't have a long-distance track coach. Those of us that wanted to run anything longer than one trip around the track had to basically coach ourselves. That's because the track coaches were really football coaches, and all they cared about was the sprints. They used track as a way to check out which underclassmen showed the greatest promise for next year's football team. Senior year long-distance runners were of zero interest to them.

I figured my best shot at beating Woolstenhume would be the two-mile race at the beginning of the district meet, so that's the only one I really had any strategy for. I had been working on my sprint to the finish line, so much so that I could run the 400 faster than two of the guys on the 4x4 team (which really pissed them off). I was certain that if I kept up with Woolstenhume until the last lap of the race, I'd be able to crush him by starting an early sprint for the finish line, which would probably catch him off guard. I figured that would make him poop out in the last half-lap of the race. Victory would be mine!

But my strategy was flawed. He met my early sprint-for-the-finish challenge and beat me by a step or two. (Curse you, Woolstenhume! You magnificently fast bastard!) I was crushed to have come in second in that race. I had blown my best shot at defeating him at least once during my high school track career. And even though by coming in second I had made my goal of going to state in the two-mile race, I couldn't help but feel disappointed that all the work I had gone to hadn't produced the results I wanted. But there was still the mile race at the end of the meet, so I stretched and relaxed and stayed hydrated with the hope that maybe he'd fall down in the mile race, and I could somehow beat him.

When the mile race started, it was balls to the wall from the get-go. Both Woolstenhume and I went out fast, putting us both on a record-breaking pace. But in the last half lap of the race, Woolstenhume began to fade, and I pulled out in front of him. We were both exhausted from the effort of the two-mile race, and I also began to hit the wall and couldn't run any faster, but I stayed ahead of him. I was going to win!

At least I was until the last 100 yards of the race. That's when one of Woolstenhume's teammates surged ahead of me and won the race. Are you kidding me?! Who was that guy?! I'd never seen him run a long-distance race before in any of the meets in all four years of running track! I was super-pissed that he'd beat me, but I still felt good that I'd finally beat Woolstenhume in that race. Both of my goals had been achieved!

I kept up my training for the state track meet, but I knew there was zero chance that I would even place in either the mile or two mile race. Because we shared the bus ride up with the Bear Lake team, the coaches put all us long distance runners together, and I ended up sharing a room with Darin Woolstenhume. That's when I found out--to my utter and complete disappointment--that he was a super-nice guy. He couldn't have been friendlier either. So our rivalry came to an abrupt end, as did my motivation to try to beat him in the two-mile race. While we spent most of the time before the races together, I only remember two things about our conversations--eating pancakes as a carb-loading strategy and how much we liked the songs on Heartbeat City. I believe he was partial to "Hello Again," while I liked "You Might Think" the most. Why? Because any video depicting acts of underwater voyeurism on soaped-up supermodels in clawfoot tubs is a-okay with me!



(Cool trivia: Ric Okasec ended up marrying the supermodel in this video. I think he was playing catch-up to Billy Joel.)

Within the first two laps of the two-mile race, I quickly realized I was totally unprepared for the level of competition at the state track races. I came in dead last in both races, and Woolstenhume came in way ahead of me in both. That was due in part to an upset stomach that I had throughout the meet. I basically didn't stop running at the end of either race until I got to a restroom, where my colon continued the race for another ten minutes.

Other than my gastrointestinal pain, the main thing I remember about the state meet was what the crowd did as I ran that last lap in the two-mile race. Although I had run the first mile of the race in under 5 minutes--the first time I'd ever run a mile that fast--my body wouldn't let me run faster than a 6-minute last mile. I got lapped by the winners, and the crowd could see that I was sucking wind pretty bad, but that I was giving it my all. Still, at the beginning of that last lap I had faded so far behind the others that it seemed I was sure to come in last. But there was this one kid about 50 feet ahead of me, and I decided that even though it was a long shot, I'd try to beat him. So I poured on as much speed as I could during the last half-lap. The kid wasn't paying attention to what was going on behind him, as I had been so far behind he was certain I'd come in last. But when the crowd saw me sneaking up behind him, they started to cheer me on. The kid looked up into the stands, surprised at what he was hearing. And then he looked behind to see me coming up on him fast. He then high-tailed it to the finish line, to the delight of the crowd. The two of us had an all-out sprint to the end, with the crowd cheering us on, and since they had started cheering when I made my final sprint, I felt like they were mainly cheering for me. But they're psychological support did not work any magic, and I came in last.

Even though I left the state track meet a double loser, I still felt satisfied that I had run the best two-mile race I could (under 11 minutes). Like so many other things that had happened to me in that last semester of my senior year, I had embarrassed myself and failed miserably at something I really wanted to win at. I knew it. And I knew that everybody else knew it. But I still hadn't given up completely. I had just taken the pain and embarrassment, gritted my teeth, and sprinted for the finish line anyway. And that's pretty much what I did to get through the remaining weeks of high school after the meet. Although it was a difficult experience at the time, I learned an important life lesson from it all--a lesson best summed up in the lyrics of this song.

And it was hard, so hard to take.
There's no escape without a scrape.
But you kept it goin' till the sun fell down.

You kept it goin'.

113. Parlez vous allemand?

113. "Hold on Tight" by Electric Light Orchestra

Did you ever hear a song on the radio that inspired you to buy a French dictionary? I did. In 1981. My goal? To know what the guy was saying in French. But I couldn't figure out. Unfortunately, when it comes to words with letters that actually make the sound that they look like they are supposed to spell, the French language is--oh, how do you say it?--a steaming pile of horseshit! (Pardon my French.) And that's one reason why I studied German in high school for two years--which I knew was a huge waste of time after the first year, as Mynards Mangelson was the instructor.

So why did I sign up for a second year of German? Was I that afraid of the French language? No. Not at all. I had an excellent reason to sign up to sprechen sie deutsch for a second year. I knew that if I took that class, for one hour every day, I would get to not only sit next to, but also talk at length with, Tammy Baker.

Of course, socially and intellectually speaking, I wasn't in her league at all. But she was still kind enough to flirt with me from time to time. Also, I could actually have a decent conversation with her, as she had a good sense of humor and was really smart. (Wasn't she a valedictorian?) But in all honesty, when we were talking to each other, especially in German, I couldn't concentrate very well on what she was saying because she had the two most perfect...umlauts.... Wöw! After our conversations, it took me a good half hour before I could stop fantasizing about fricatives.

So thank you, Jeff Lynne, for including a French verse in this song and guiding me towards studying the German language in high school. Without you, I would never have had the opportunity to talk daily with a girl so beautifully...linguistic... that she made me involuntarily goose-step out of the classroom.



Oh, and I did manage to study the French dictionary long enough to teach myself one phrase--

Je vais traire la vache.
I am going to milk the cow.

I've forgotten how to say the phrase now, but I knew it back when this song was topping the charts. French phrases that would have been equally as useful to me later in life, but which also would have been tremendously useful for Jeff Lynne while making this video, include:

Un éclair a frappé l'avion et le moteur est maintenant en feu!
A lightning bolt has struck the plane and the engine is now on fire!

Mettez le petit sac sur la tête.
Put the little sack over her head.

Ma chèvre laiteuse est une honte pour toutes les barbes partout.
My pitiful goatee is a disgrace to all beards everywhere.

Faites attention aux ongles géants!
Watch out for the giant nails!

La moto a couru le gâteau.
The motorcyle ran over the cake.

Ne pointez pas le fusil sur cette partie de son corps.
Don't point the ray gun at that part of her body.
Pourquoi les Mayas de la jungle blonde marchent-ils comme les Égyptiens?
Why are the blonde jungle Mayans walking like Egyptians?

La dame ivre montait dans la voiture de police à travers le bar.
The drunken lady rode the police car through the bar.

Après le coup de poing rond, casser la chaise sur le dos.
After the roundhouse punch, break the chair over his back.

Mettez les lunettes de soleil pour masquer votre verve de la barbe.
Put on the sunglasses to mask your beard shame.

Le karaté coupe le méchant et le tire sur le rayon de la mort.
Karate chop the Chinese villain and shoot him with the death ray.

Punch les nazis dans le sidecar.
Punch the nazi in the sidecar!

This concludes your French lesson. Au Revoir!

114. They Kilt It

114. "Run Runaway" by Slade

Guitar bagpipes!



Did I mention the guitar bagpipes?

GUITAR BAGPIPES!

'Nuff said!






















Well, there is a little more to be said about the video above. If you like guitar bagpipes AND speed metal AND Benny Hill, click the gear icon for the video settings and ramp up the speed to "2." Guitar bagpipes at twice the speed are twice the fun!

You're welcome.

But other than that, nothing else needs to be said!



























...except maybe this disclaimer--just because a rock song has bagpipes in it, that doesn't mean I'll like it. Paul McCartney's "Mull of Kintyre" bagpipe song was a huge top-selling song in England, but I don't like it enough to even put the video here. However, I would be derelict in my doody if I didn't alert you to the following video of that song.



But other than that additional tidbit of bagpipery, there is nothing else to say about bagpipes in rock songs. Truly, enough has been said at this point!







































...other than this one little last thing about rock bagpipes that is ELO-related. I used to think that Jeff Lynne's disagreements with other members of ELO maybe could have been avoided if he'd just been willing to engage in a little give-and-take when it came to musical artistic decisions. But after seeing the following video, I no longer think that. See, when bagpipes are featured in a rock song, they're supposed to be the most odd thing in the band. When bagpipes are the least odd thing, well...somebody has lost their freakin' mind!



What else can be said about rock bagpipes after that? Nothing else! 'Nuff said for sure!













































...apart from the following observation. When you're looking for rock songs with bagpipes in them, you run across some very sensational but disturbing bagpiperless performances on German TV that really make you ask yourself questions that you never thought you'd ever ask, such as "Did I just see Charlie Manson's evil twin sing Giddy-up a Ding Dong?"




The answer is yes. Yes, you did just see Charlie Manson's evil twin sing Giddy-up a Ding Dong. And you will never unsee it. Ever. Still, we have to wonder--would the addition of bagpipes have made it any better? No. Absolutely NOT!








































...unless Glen Campbell was playing them and/or singing in a duck voice.



'NUFF SAID!































































Yep. That's it. There's nothing else to see here. Please go about your business, sir.

115. Jinkies!

115. "Bad Reputation" by Joan Jett and the Blackhearts

I liked this song when it first came out, but mostly forgot about it until I watched all 18 episodes of "Freaks and Geeks." (Nice show. THANKS!) Then, either because of the sheer repetition of the theme song or because Cardellini is my favorite pasta, I one-clicked purchased this song so I could put it on my iPod. A few years later, this song had me hitting the iPods replay button in the six months before I got fired at BYU-Idaho for NOT doing something I thought was wrong. During that time, I found it strangely comforting to run laps to this song.



Although I'm sure Ms. Jett probably didn't intend for this song to have a connection to anything "spiritual," because of the BYU-Idaho memories associated with this song, when I listen to it now, I connect it with a line from an oft-played hymn that I heard in church a lot while growing up--do what is right; let the consequence follow.

And that's why this song has a spot on my someday-I'll-exercise iPod playlist, as well as a page in my rock 'n' roll hymnbook.