110. Resistance Is Futile!

110. "Beat It" / "Eat It" by Michael Jackson / Weird Al

I know it looks like a big, fat, stinkin' cheat to combine two songs into one spot on the list, but "Beat It" never would have become a favorite song without "Eat It" and vice versa. They go together like...like... Cherry Nibs and Peanut M&Ms! Like... Joanie and Chachi! Like... T. J. Hooker and car hoods!



Oh, Sergeant Hooker, how you inspire us with your iron grip and steely eyes! Who could possibly resist you?! Or your arrest?!

Still, I must say that the most impressive thing about the video, besides Adrian Zmed's hair (which is always the most impressive thing on TV no matter what show he's on), is the haymaker punch the guy in the orange jacket gave to the poor car owner (who to his credit held on to his precious briefcase throughout the attack). How good was that punch?! I mean, you don't even see the car owner (or his briefcase) lying on the pavement when the driver backs out of the parking spot. The orange-jacketed jacker must have knocked the car owner (and his briefcase) clear into the trees on the other side of the parking lot!

I'm also curious about how the guy in the passenger seat is able to move so quickly between sitting right next to the driver in the two-shots and then--BAMF! He's now sitting way over by the passenger door on the wide-shots. Is he the Nightcrawler?

End of T. J. Hooker digression. Onto the story!

When HondoJoe and I got into DJ-ing the school dances (HondoJoe had lots of good records!), I always liked to play "Beat It" early on in the dance because it not only had a decent dance beat, but it also had Eddie Van Halen playing the guitar on it, so most of the kiddies thought the song really rocked! The video became so popular that, to this day, if you ask people what Michael Jackson was wearing when he got stabbed to death in that knife fight, they'll say, "A red jacket with lots of zippers--duh!"




Later on in the dance I'd put on "Eat It" and listen to the first bars with glee while people instantly complained that I was playing the same song twice. Then they'd hear the fart sounds and realize they'd been fooled and were listening to "Eat It" instead. My goal was always to get a few girls to laugh at the musical joke, and it worked every time. Usually.



I also liked playing Michael Jackson's "P.Y.T." during the dances, and I'd crank the sound all the way up on the grunts during the bongo break. The first booming "UH!" was so unexpected, it would sometimes startle people to the point they'd flinch and/or jump, which made it my favorite DJ prank. Click on the P.Y.T. video below to hear the double-uhs! I can't make the sound automatically turn up, so it's up to you to max out your computer speakers to get the full "UH!" effect. And if you want a truly authentic early 1980s high-school dance experience, throw some tater tots, pepperoni pizza, ranch dressing, Brut 33 cologne, and a spritz or ten of Paris perfume on your carpet and let it soak in for a few days. Then spray it down with some Final Net aerosol to really hold in that 80s smell in a way its never been held before!



Now you'll not only get to hear what a 1982 school dance sounded like, but you'll also get to savor the distinct odor of a lunch room dance floor inhabited by pheromonally supercharged postpubescents!



Mmmmmm! It smells like...

Teen spirit!

Oh, yeah! That smell really brings back memories of those high school dances and the never-ending promise of sweet romance.

And sour rejection.

And public rebukes by angry, angry lunch ladies in black gossamer hairnets. (Honest! I didn't throw it!)