113. "Hold on Tight" by Electric Light Orchestra
Did you ever hear a song on the radio that inspired you to buy a French dictionary? I did. In 1981. My goal? To know what the guy was saying in French. But I couldn't figure out. Unfortunately, when it comes to words with letters that actually make the sound that they look like they are supposed to spell, the French language is--oh, how do you say it?--a steaming pile of horseshit! (Pardon my French.) And that's one reason why I studied German in high school for two years--which I knew was a huge waste of time after the first year, as Mynards Mangelson was the instructor.
So why did I sign up for a second year of German? Was I that afraid of the French language? No. Not at all. I had an excellent reason to sign up to sprechen sie deutsch for a second year. I knew that if I took that class, for one hour every day, I would get to not only sit next to, but also talk at length with, Tammy Baker.
Of course, socially and intellectually speaking, I wasn't in her league at all. But she was still kind enough to flirt with me from time to time. Also, I could actually have a decent conversation with her, as she had a good sense of humor and was really smart. (Wasn't she a valedictorian?) But in all honesty, when we were talking to each other, especially in German, I couldn't concentrate very well on what she was saying because she had the two most perfect...umlauts.... Wöw! After our conversations, it took me a good half hour before I could stop fantasizing about fricatives.
So thank you, Jeff Lynne, for including a French verse in this song and guiding me towards studying the German language in high school. Without you, I would never have had the opportunity to talk daily with a girl so beautifully...linguistic... that she made me involuntarily goose-step out of the classroom.
Oh, and I did manage to study the French dictionary long enough to teach myself one phrase--
Je vais traire la vache.
I am going to milk the cow.
I've forgotten how to say the phrase now, but I knew it back when this song was topping the charts. French phrases that would have been equally as useful to me later in life, but which also would have been tremendously useful for Jeff Lynne while making this video, include:
Un éclair a frappé l'avion et le moteur est maintenant en feu!
A lightning bolt has struck the plane and the engine is now on fire!
Mettez le petit sac sur la tête.
Put the little sack over her head.
Ma chèvre laiteuse est une honte pour toutes les barbes partout.
My pitiful goatee is a disgrace to all beards everywhere.
Faites attention aux ongles géants!
Watch out for the giant nails!
La moto a couru le gâteau.
The motorcyle ran over the cake.
Ne pointez pas le fusil sur cette partie de son corps.
Don't point the ray gun at that part of her body.
Pourquoi les Mayas de la jungle blonde marchent-ils comme les Égyptiens?
Why are the blonde jungle Mayans walking like Egyptians?
La dame ivre montait dans la voiture de police à travers le bar.
The drunken lady rode the police car through the bar.
Après le coup de poing rond, casser la chaise sur le dos.
After the roundhouse punch, break the chair over his back.
Mettez les lunettes de soleil pour masquer votre verve de la barbe.
Put on the sunglasses to mask your beard shame.
Le karaté coupe le méchant et le tire sur le rayon de la mort.
Karate chop the Chinese villain and shoot him with the death ray.
Punch les nazis dans le sidecar.
Punch the nazi in the sidecar!
This concludes your French lesson. Au Revoir!
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