111. "Mr. Roboto" by Styx
As a pre-1983 Styx fan, I am legally obligated to make the following two statements before any commentary on the song "Mr. Roboto."
Statement #1: Kilroy Was Here was a completely ridiculous idea for a rock-opera.
(If you disagree with this statement, then I dare you to try watching the following video without honestly thinking to yourself at any point, "This is a completely ridiculous idea for a rock-opera." It can't be done!)
There's only one good idea in this whole video--fried chicken riots!
Statement #2: Dennis DeYoung has turned into a real putz.
(If you disagree with this statement, then I dare you to read the Letters from Dennis section of his official web site without honestly thinking to yourself at any point, "Dennis DeYoung has turned into a real putz." It can't be done!)
The whole Kilroy Was Here concept album was so bad that the current members of Styx refuse to play anything from it during their concerts. Still, I can't help but love this song. But not for the reasons most people love rock songs. I love it because (a) it reminds me of junior year band tour (we played it a LOT on the bus) and (b) it is the best mock 'n' roll song I can think of.
What is mock 'n' roll you ask? Well, Gregg, it's a rock 'n' roll song with alternative lyrics that are meant to mock the song and make people laugh when you sing them. Mock 'n' roll isn't a parody, like a Weird Al song. It's the original song, but every once in a while you insert your own clever lyrics over the top of existing lyrics. Your brain has to process the original words at the same time it processes the over-lyrics, which results in momentary confusion in which the brain says, "Which word do I use--the original or the funny one?" This confusion is resolved when the brain says one of two things:
1. "Oh, that over-lyric is funnier than the original lyric! I'll pay attention to that one! Bah-ha-ha-ha-ha!"
2. "Oh, that over-lyric is so unfunny! But since Scapell sang it, its unfunnyness makes it even more hilarious! I'll pay attention to that one! Bah-ha-ha-ha-ha!"
The best mock 'n' roll over-lyrics sound like they could actually be mistaken for the real lyrics. There is nothing more satisfying to a mock-'n'-roller than hearing people sing the over-lyrics, and then, when you point out to them that those are your made-up lyrics, they get a look of shock on their faces, and it's pretty obvious they didn't know they weren't singing the correct lyrics. But the ultimate goal isn't to fool people. It's always to simply make the over-lyrics funnier than the original lyrics.
Who invented mock 'n' roll? I don't know. Why are you asking me anyway? What do I look like? A typewriter?
But if its up for a vote, I credit John Capell with its genesis. My recollection is that he was the master of mock 'n' roll in Arimo. He had the ability to come up with alternate lyrics on the spot that could make you involuntarily snort so hard that mucus would fly out your nose. I remember once, after he returned from his mission to Australia, that he cruised Arimo with HondoJoe and me, and when the Hewey Lewis (and the News) song "If This Is It" came on, he sang the following:
Over-lyric: "If it's a zit, please pop it man. A zit so big it could cover Japan!"
Original: "If this is it, please let me know. If this ain't love you'd better let me know.
Classic.
Scapell had a quirky brand of mock 'n' roll that could take a song that would otherwise be ignored by members of the Arimo Mafia after it stopped playing on American Top 40--a song like "Stroke Me" by Billy Squire--and add a weird over-lyric that made zero sense but somehow turn it into a song we'd never forget.
Over-lyric: "Ro - tate lug nuts! Rote! Rote!"
Original: "Stroke me. Stroke me. Stroke! Stroke!"
Classic.
HondoJoe--being John's younger brother--also had a particularly good ear for mock 'n' roll. He would sing these amazingly funny lines while hanging out with the Arimo Mafia, but since he was a bit shy to sing them in front of other people besides friends and family, either Scapell or I would sing them around other kids at school and take the credit for being funny. Yes, we were comic parasites. But you have to understand--the lyrics were too funny NOT to sing in public! I particularly remember a HondoJoe version of "When Smokey Sings" by ABC.
Over-lyric: "When Motley sings I hear violence. When Motley sings I destroy everything!"
Original: "When Smokey sings I hear violins. When Smokey sings I forget everything!"
Classic.
Compared to the Capell clan, the rest of the kids in town, including me, had only minor mock 'n' roll skills. Creative word substitution came slow to me. I always had to work the over-lyrics out over a long period of time, but since it takes a long period of time to hand-milk cows, and since there's really nothing more entertaining to think about while you milk cows than mock 'n' roll lyrics, I could usually come up with something after a month of milking the cow twice a day (and once on the days I forgot to in the evening).
The mock 'n' roll version of Mr. Roboto that I sing definitely has lyrics taken from others. I'm positive I didn't come up with the idea of placing the song within the context of a robot-man complaining that he needs to take a piss really, really bad or he's going to die, and he's asking for help to find a place to actually do the deed. But if you listen to the song with that idea in mind, the original lyrics become pretty damn funny. The mock 'n' roll over-lyrics also take on a new level of funny. My favorite over-lyrics in the song are:
Spank you!
Spank you! Spank you!
I wanna spank you!
Please, spank you!
Oh-oooooooaaaah.
Yee-AAAHHHH-Aaaaaah!
For me, it is an absolute adolescent delight to sing the over-lyrics every time this song comes over the radio--which is less and less often as the years go by. And at the end of the song, I always imagine that the robot-man finally pulls down his metal pants to relieve his robo-bladder, but SURPRISE! What pops out is a smaller robot that calls himself Kilroy!
The time has come at last
(Secret, secret, I've got a secret!)
To throw away these pants!
(Secret, secret, I've got a secret!)
Now everyone can see
(Secret, secret, I've got a secret!)
Me while I take a pee!
I'm Kilroy! Kilroy! Kilroy! Kilroy.
Ah! Potty humor! Does it ever get old?
I don't stink so.
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