180. Where's the damn salt!

180. "Margaritaville" by Jimmy Buffett

I'm a sucker for a song that tells a depressing story well. And Jimmy Buffett did it perfectly with "Margaritaville." A guy is wasted again because he's feeling bad about losing his woman. At the beginning of the song, he says "it's nobody's fault." In the middle, he starts to doubt himself and thinks "it could be my fault." And at the end of the song, he says he knows "it's my own damn fault." In the end, there's only one thing colder than the realization that he's the source of his own misery--a frozen concoction to help him hang on.

If I were a drinking man, this song would probably be in my top 20, but since I'm a total teetotaler, it ranks a lot lower on the list. But I have to give Jimmy props for taking this song and making a life-long career out of helping others become depressed and drunk on a beach. "Margaritaville" used to be a figurative name for that state of mind where you have basically given up on doing anything with your life, and you just live day-to-day as a bummed out drunkard. There is now an actual physical place--or rather places--named "Margaritaville," and it's all been built by, you guessed it, Jimmy Buffett. Want to visit, click the link below and book your trip today!

Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville

Normally, I'd be a quite upset about the unrestrained commercialism surrounds this song, but the problem is that every time I hear it, I start to chill out and I stop caring and I just want to lounge on the beach all day drinking lots and lots of cold beverages. The song is that good. And yes, it is Jimmy Buffet's fault.


Sometimes, just for fun, I imagine this song being sung at a Star Trek convention by Jimmy Buffett dressed as Captain Kirk, and the woman he's singing about is really a telepathic Salt Vampire. That would certainly explain why he can't find that lost shaker of salt.

What Kirk thought was happening.

What was really happening.

Quick question everyone. If I can suck salt through my fingers, then what the hell am I supposed to do with these vampiric teeth?

No! I don't want a tasty salt tablet! Dammit, Jim! I'm a doctor not a…whoa!…I never felt that on a woman before…it kind of feels like a salt shaker?….