104. Defend Kamchatka!

104. "Better Be Good to Me" by Tina Turner

Why this song?

Reason #1. I saw this video my freshman year at Ricks in the TV room at Ensign Hall at least a hundred times. (Same TV room where I wasted Saturday afternoons playing Risk.)

Reason #2. Cowbell solo! (The video version of the song is missing two bars of the cowbell solo. Ripoff!)

Reason #3. It's fun to sing like Tina Turner. Why? Because nothing's funnerer than lip pouting while you sing! Isn't that right, Mick?

Wouldn't you agree Billy?

Hey, Freddy, back me up on this one.

Thanks, Freddy. You can go put on some real pants now.

Anyone else want to support me on this point?

Thanks, Derek. Thanks, Hansel. Although you are fictional characters and aren't really singers or models or even actors, your support is noted. Now onto--

Yes, Mick. You've already put in your two--

Yes! Thank you, Mick! Your angry pout is just fine. The snarl-pout combo is fascin--

What the--?! Who the hell are--

Nobody's asking you, Beiber! Don't you have something better to do than annoy us?! Why don't you go join Freddy, and the two of you can strut around the stage with your shirts off!

Okay! Okay! Mick! We got it! You've made your point! Hey, there was some cocaine left over from the "Rapture" video brainstorming session. You might want to go check it--

And Mick's gone.

Okay. Now where was I? Oh, yeah--"You Better Be Good to Me."

This song may very well have the best lip-pouting lyrics ever. The pouting in the first verse alone can cause lip cramps. It's an angry pout too, not one of those trying-to-be-sexy pouts. (Beiber? Are you there? No? Oh, he and Freddy must have gone back to the Blondie entry with Mick. Enjoy it while it lasts, boys!)

Yes, Tina's angry pout is exquisite. Although, I have to say, it is still a little sexy. But in an angry-sexy way. How do you know if you're singing this song right? You'll know if, at the end of the song, you're super-pissed at a past lover that jilted you AND you can't feel your lips anymore.

Reason #4. When it came out, I found the lyrics quite helpful in keeping past torches I had carried completely doused. (Should I be fractured by their lack of devotion? [Pout] Should I? [Pout] Should I?! [Super-pout])





Reason #5. Did I mention the cowbell solo?

COWBELL! SOLO!

'Nuff said! [Angry pout]