98. Are We Not Men?

98. "Uncontrollable Urge" by Devo

How much of our lives are spent dealing with an uncontrollable urge?

For you, it might be a few minutes every now and then--maybe every other week.

For me, it's every damn minute of every damn day. I think that as a small child I contracted some kind of weird, chronic form of Tourette syndrome, only without all the fun of yelling obscene curses at complete strangers whenever I don't want to. (I only do it when I'm driving.) And to my unending shame, these urges have stayed with me for many decades in spite of all the exercises, low-carb diets, self-help books, psychotherapy sessions, and medications that I've tried. Of course, the urges aren't the kind that will end up on a Pete Welsh slide show. About 57% these urges are pie- and/or donut-related. Another 17% deal with laziness--the urge NOT to do something. Approximately 11% of the urges involve walking out of church meetings. The urge to switch channels on TV or the radio account for another 9% of my urges. I'd say about 3% of my uncontrollable urges are all about using inaccurate made-up statistics. And the last 7% are none of your damn business!

Metaphorically speaking, here's what my uncontrollable urges looked like in 1980.





Here's what my uncontrollable urges look like now.





Same urges. But in a much fatter package.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-YEAH!

De-evolution indeed!